Q. Can we meet up and fuck
A. No. I have a boyfriend.Even if I was single and you lived near me I'd still rather get to know you before I even think about meeting you, let alone fucking you.

Q. Here is my MSN go on cam baby and show me tits
A. No. I have a boyfriend.

Q. Why are you ignoring my messages?
A. I'm probably busy and not trying to ignore you. I have a habit of leaving things online then going off for an hour or something. Otherwise they may be boring, gross, sexually explicit, scary etc...

Q. I'm looking for a wife to have children with
A.That woman is not me.

Q. I'm suicidal/depressed please help
A. My mother committed suicide. I don't want to talk about suicide or depression. Go talk to a therapist, I used to have a therapist and now I am happier than ever! :)

Q. I will pay you if you blackmail me/kick me in the balls/something sadistic etc
A. No thanks.

Q. What underwear are you wearing?
A. Who cares.Please go away!

Q. Let me show you my hard dick
A. No thanks. You are vile.

Q. I am from [foreign country] and I ....(incomprehensible)
A. I can understand English, American English and French. Otherwise write in your language, or my language, and one of us can use google translate, or don't bother!

Q. I'm a badman and I like fighting, crime, guns and I need a badass bitch, show me your body!
A. Sorry, no, you're not for me. Fuck off, and when you get there, fuck off again :)

Q. I am 42 but young at heart I love young women...
A. I am taken. Generally though, one of my mother's ex boyfriends used to behave in a creepy way around me as a kid. I'm not keen on people much older than me. If you're not in your late teens/twenties I won't be attracted to you [unless you're like Johnny Depp haha]

Q. You are awesommmezzz we will b best frendssss!1!!1
I'm pretty average and we probably won't be unless I actually hang with you in real life

Q. Wanna do some bdsm?
A. Yes, but not with you.

Q. Would you like to be part of my coven/would you like to join me in this ritual/do you like magic/can I suck your blood
A.No thanks. This kind of thing intrigues me, but don't want to be part of it.

Q. I wanna **** you in the *** then **** your ***** and then I wanna *** in your ***** then you can **** my ****...
A. Please go away, I don't know you and this is such a bad first impression!

Q. I need advice on what to stick up my bum
A. I'm not the person to talk to about this.

Q. OMG YOU'RE SO BEAUTIFUL ARE YOU REAL?? ARE YOU AN ANGEL?? YOU ARE A GODDESS I HAVE NEVER SEEN SOMEONE SO STUNNING IN MY LIFE
A. Please, don't exaggerate! I know I'm not and you're just trying to impress me, and I just think you're bullshitting

Q. Can I masterbate using your pics
A. Ask THIS guy if you really want to. Ha, but please, don't ask me this. Obviously I'm not keen on the idea but I can't stop you doing it, and if you don't tell me about it, I don't know/care/get disturbed by it.

Q. Would you like to try the following: Stinging nettles/ stick and release torture/fisting/stetching my cock eye/gunging/rape/ eel or maggot play
A. NO! :O