If I said I hated myself I would be lying, me and myself have come to some sort of strange truce and that works for me. Other people's opinions... well the polls are still coming in.

I consider myself a terrible friend, because I am only emotionally and physically available when I choose to be. May be a result of years of self sacrifice and serving everybody but myself. While my feelings are genuine I have a hard time going much further with them, than feeling.

I find that I dream to real, and too deeply, and some days it's hard to distinguish what events have actually occurred and which ones were only in my head. I think that is getting worse.

There is quite a possibly that there is something psychologically wrong with me, but I don't want that as an excuse and I don't want to risk losing who I am through vast amounts of psych meds, though I think my relationships suffer because of it, I have hard time bringing myself to care, not because I don't care about these people but somehow I find personal musings more important.

I am thus a terrible person.

I don't know why I am writing this, as I never linger here enough to see the responses and even if I did my anxiety over responding would probably prevent me for correlating with anyone at all.

I have had this account for so long so hte only people th at really know about it are ancient friends. This is my dark corner of the internet, where I can escape and be uncensored because if I were anywhere else I can't imagine many people would stick around.