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Millicent
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Sex: female
Age: 23
Location: Canberra, ACT, Australia
Rating: 0.00
Rating points: 0
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Member since: August 14, 2004
Last logged in: August 27, 2008, 07:52am
Account Status: Free Account
Rated by: 0 people
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Profile:
Cult Invitations are NOT welcome, fucksticks!
Don't expect safe love, because in love insanity is what makes sense
My Dear Mother. I love you with all my heart. You're the most precious to me person in this world.
Well, what shall i say. I'm not going to describe my looks, you got pictures for that. Anyway, I love mystery, i got told that it would take a while to completely figure me out.
I love spending time walking around random parks by myself and listen to the urban noise somewhere far away. I love sitting on the roof of an apartment building at night staring at the stars and sing my favourite songs. I love to dream. Dreams mean a lot to me. Sometimes they seem more real than the world i live in. I try to make most of my dreams come true and it works at times. I love being me, i love my mystery and my desire to learn new things. Maybe i sound a bit vain, but whatever, I'm the only thing i have left :P
I tend to get easily attached to people i don't quite know, but have talked to for a while. Sometimes it's a good thing, but other times i get turned down and then it hurts. Oh well. I'm trying to learn not to expect things to happen, but just accept them as they come, or not. And I also tend to 'absorb' people's personalities in order to be 'accepted' by them. That absorbance makes me forget the 'real me' as there're so many different personalities living in me. I'm like a chameleon....i got told that there's no real me left anymore...and it hurts them....sorry, i can't help it. Lately i've become very suspicious of everything happening around me. The experience shows that you can't trust people very easily. Now that i think about it, there's not one person in the world that i trust entirely. Lots of people know different parts of me, but noone knows the whole me. I don't even know it myself, i guess. Oh well.
I love to constantly hug someone close to me, it makes me feel secure and needed. I don't like being alone, but always end up being just that, where i'm left to my thoughts, dreams and insecurities and they're digging into me like a drill, making it really painful to get back to reality and do something more productive than sit here and mope about things i have no control over.
I should probably come up with some small story about someone's fake life and see whether i can relate to it or not. And if i can, then it will be so much easier to understand why i never learn from my mistakes and let tiniest impulses affect me in a lot of different ways.
I will never say "my life sucks", because it doesn't. It's just like every other person's life with their own happy and sad days. I have a pretty pessimistic outlook on life, always expecting something bad to happen, but there're times when i absolutely love my existance although sometimes it may be so fake, yet so bright, i wouldn't be able to tell reality from illusion. I love illusions, they make me forget everything and enjoy them while i can. My mind creates so many different images and situations, i don't have to do anything apart from sitting back and relaxing. I tend to get carried away though, but that doesn't take me far, because there's ALWAYS someone who will interrupt and that is for sure. It does help most of the time though, because if noone interrupted in time, i would lose my last bits of sanity i have left and then my life will turn into total chaos and already intense mood-swings will become worse, and i don't really want to imagine what will happen to me then.
The thought of falling off a cliff into the massive waves fascinates me. If i ever want to really kill myself... and i mean REALLY do it, that will be the way. I love the ocean and i love feeling the cold waves against my skin. Too bad i don't get a chance to visit it as often as i'd like to. But i will make up for it once i have that chance.
I hate when people try to hint something instead of just saying it. For some reason it really pisses me off, it's not that i don't get hints, it's just annoying. I'd rather have it to be told in my face, regardless of how i'm gonna feel, at least i'd know the whole truth. I'm such a libran, i need everything to be certain and balanced...
I'm RUSSIAN! hehe, in case anyone's interested. I've only been living in Australia for 3 years...
I have to research into my Georgian heritage. And i will change my name to my grandmother's name: Kurtanidze. I need to bring the Georgian side of my family back to life, because the last Kurtanidze is about to die.
I take lots of things for granted and get over the possible loss of them pretty fast, because i believe that if i really want to i can achieve absolutely anything in this world. Seriously. It's all a matter of a will. But i'm rather unmotivated.
Just a little warning so as to avoid confusion in the future. I'm very honest and always express my opinion, i can be very judgmental and close minded at times, but if i consider the person "worthy" i will always apologise and explain myself. I can be very loving, caring and forgiving, however i have a habit of abusing the hell out of people i don't know. I don't think highly of myself either, so you cannot call me self centered or shallow, since if i do get a punishment i know i deserve it. The only thing is, not one pusnishment will change me, it's too late and i'm not willing. It's really hard to gain my trust and even harder to keep it, for i'm very suspiciuos. I get rapid moodswings as i said before, so it is hard to predict my reaction towards things and there're not many people who can actually handle me. Many ran away. I don't blame them. Now that you've read all the information i provided you with, go on... judge me.
Likes:
MONSTER TRUCKS.... F100's, Photography (any kind), music, beautiful people, chocolate, roses, night, moon, being alone, being with people, candle light, technology, guys, girls, pornstars, silence, emotional torture (don't ask), being alone in the house, feeling free and light, ocean, mountains, colours blue and black, cuddling up to someone special and falling asleep in their arms, writing down random thoughts and describing twisted dreams, smell of sex, male deodorant, mess, money, love, sex, alcohol, cigarettes, controversy, risk-taking, passion, need.
Dislikes:
First, i should probably rid the world of my presence....
but i'm trying to be nice to those who are nice to me, but if you hate me, then you're hated back majorly :), lies, backstabbing,SLIPKNOT, waiting, patience, boredom, people who think they know you trying to figure out your problems, those who try to be someone else, being told what to do, unreliable and untrustworthy people...
I also hate being played with, i hate rain when i feel like shit. And i really don't like being nagged and being under a constant watch over by someone close to me. I'm free and i'd like to stay that way even if i 'belong' to someone. Personal space is really important to me.
My family for their ideals and insecurities which they try to force upon me as well as their values and lack of respect towards mine... Unfairness on this website and the fact that people are not allowed to be themselves. It also seems like premium members are allowed to do whatever they want, just because they pay $2 a month.
Favorite Music:
Moonsorrow, Finntroll, Thyrfing, Black Sabbath, Nazxul, Gospel of the Horns, RHCP, Bathory, Astriaal,PORTAL, Rammstein, Macbeth, Sculpture, Nightwish, Godgory, Dissection, Destroyer 666, Darkseed, Nirvana, Aerosmith, Metallica, Tristania, Vrag, Chalice, Clannad, Sirenia, the Gathering, Lacuna Coil to name a few
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