Sometimes I wonder why I even bother to take time out of my day to really put thought into these. Why don't I just do the whole cliche thing of Lawl, I love mah friends. Simple....That's not me. Sure, I may be a walking cliche at times, but I don't fall into your typical standard of your average girl.
I guess that'd be the best place to start, wouldn't it? I'm NOT your average girl. I'm something that's a little bit different. I don't sit back and wait for life to take me where it wants to all the time. Yeah, sure, I take things as they come, but I tend to have a hand in directing them there. I'm forward, I'm bold, and I'm a ditz. Some people will tell you I'm a complete genius, and others will tell you that I'm the stupidest girl on the face on the planet. To be honest with you, I'm neither of them. I fall into that nice little safe spot in between the two.
There are a few people who will tell you that I'm like nothing you've ever seen. According to them, I'm the outlier in the set of data when it comes to girls. And yet, I'm still trying to convince one of them that I'm not like everyone else.
I'm out to prove a lot of people wrong actually. Sadly, most of the people I'm working against are my family. I'm determined to be something...to do something with my life. I grew up being told that I could never be anything worth while....but I KNOW that they're wrong. I finally realize that.
I'm that girl you'll see laughing in the midst of a group of guys. It's not because I'm a slut, and it's not because I'm dating any of them. It's because I'm more comfortable when I'm around guys. They seem to get me better. Not to mention, there's a lot less un-needed drama surrounding them. I don't have to wear a short skirt, or show my boobs off to get attention. I don't have to throw myself at some guy to make him see me. I work with my personality, and to be honest with you, it's gotten me pretty far.
Recently, I've gotten over most of my issues with girls. It used to be I avoided them at all costs. I couldn't trust them, and I refused to try. They got on my nerves, and I wanted nothing to do with them. But, now, I'm realizing, that there are some pretty awesome ones out there. Some of the girls I've become close to over the past year are some of the best in the world. I wouldn't trade them for the world.
I sing, I act, I dance...I'm very much a performer. I've been onstage since I was about two years old. I love it. I feel more at home onstage than I do in my own bed. I breathe the dust from a curtain that's been closed for too long, and I drown in the glow of a new spotlight, and the adrenaline from a crowd is the blood that flows through my veins. Nothing, and I mean nothing, in the world can change that.
Music is my life. That's about as cliche as it gets, I know. But nothing could be closer to the truth. I've been singing for fifteen years. I've played flute for seven. I play a little bit of guitar and piano, and would love to get a lot better at it. I write lyrics, and I can find a song to match my mood any given day of my life. I'm always up for finding new bands and sounds. It's sort of an addiction.
When it comes to addictions, I have the greatest one in the world. I'm a complete Junkie, and I don't plan on investing in rehab anytime soon. I'm addicted to a drug by the name of Derek. It's kind of a funny story how it happened, and maybe someday I'll explain it to you. Derek is something else. I don't even know where to begin with him. He knows how to make time pass unnoticeably. He can make me think more than anyone else can. He knows me better than I know myself...and it doesn't scare me oddly enough. He knows what makes me tick, he knows what makes me laugh, and he knows what makes me cry....but he also knows how to make the tears stop. He's a little more than a best friend, and I don't quite know what to call him, other than my drug.
I have the greatest best friend I could ask for though. Travis has been there for me for the past four years or so. We've known each other a lot longer than that though. We grew up together....fourth grade on. We had our bumps in the past, but we've gotten over them. Sometimes, it feels like we're growing apart, but somehow we manage to pull it all back together. I don't know what I'd do without him to be completely honest with you. I may complain about some of the things he does, but they're what make Travis Travis. Without those things, he just wouldn't be the same. And I love him just the way he is.
When it comes to guys, I do have my standards. In the past, I've lowered them, but someone very special to me showed me that I deserved more than I gave myself credit for. So, here's to the days when it didn't matter how you treated me, and welcome to the future of me fighting for what I want.
I want one of those guys who shows his love in all of the little ways that probably wouldn't matter to many people. Good morning phone calls, random voicemails, goodnight messages. That's all I ask for...that and some sincerity behind them would be nice. Little things like that keep me smiling all day.
I'm not a hard girl to be with. I don't want to go out all the time. To be quite honest with you, I enjoy just sitting at home, cuddling, and watching movies. All I really ask for is some respect. I want to know that I can argue my butt off with you about anything and everything, but five minutes later....none of it will matter. I want to know that if I show up at my door in a baggy t-shirt, gym shorts, my hair all over the place, and my eyeliner smeared from the night before...you're just going to look at me, laugh, and tell me to go brush my hair. I don't want to feel like I have to impress you all the time...I want to feel like I can be myself around you.
I want to fall asleep in your arms, and that's all it is...sleeping. I want to wake up to your face, the warmth of your eyes, and KNOW that I'm right where I'm supposed to be. I want to be with that boy who doesn't care that I'm ditzy and clumsy, and everything in between. That boy who's going to make short jokes, and realize that I really can laugh at myself.
Give me that guy who knows his music, and really knows it. Someone who doesn't mind playing a great song on repeat for hours on end, and who doesn't mind listening to what I want. Don't be a music nazi, please? Someone who's not afraid to sing at the top of his lungs with me in the passengers seat of the car, no matter how bad it sounds, because to me, he'll be the next Elvis. That guy who's going to take some interest in what I'm into, and if he doesn't enjoy it, he's not going to put me down for it. I've had enough of that. Give me the guy who's going to TRY to understand me. And if he doesn't, he's not afraid to ask Why.
I want someone who's going to make me question myself and them. I don't need someone who's so shallow that I know everything about them in a day. I need something more. Give me someone who will lay with me on a rooftop under the stars and kiss me for no reason at all. Someone who's going to rest their chin on the top of my head, their hands wrapped around my waist, and realize that they make me feel more safe than I ever imagined I could be.
Just give me someone worth holding onto, and I'll be the happiest girl you could ever meet.
What's Real
There are somethings in life you don't have to question.
And there are some people who leave a lasting impression....
Derek is more to me than anyone could ever hope to be.
Since last April {{April 7, 2008}}, he's stuck by me through things I never thought I'd be able to go through without being alone. At times when I was so sure that I'd have to face the worst on my own, he proved me wrong. I don't know exactly what you'd call him, but I know that I wouldn't be the same without him. He means so much more to me than anyone has before. I owe a lot of my confidence, my hopes, my happiness to him.
He's more than just my best friend. So much more, and then some. Right now, he's the most real thing I have.
I'm not sure who's real and who's not anymore. I don't know who I can hold onto, and who I can't. I'm slowly starting to piece that back together.
The Future
This is my future, my dream come true. For once in my life I know I've finally done something worthwhile. With that one acceptance letter, I proved my dad wrong. I accomplished everything I set out to accomplish.
I will be attending Appalachian State University in the fall of 2009 as a college freshman. This was a dream eighteen years in the making, and it's one that I achieved with MY accomplishments. I proved that I can be something, that I can do something good with my life. I proved that I AM something more than just a man's unwanted daughter.
I intend on majoring in Psychology, with a possible double major in Sociology, but I'm not quite sure yet. I also plan on minoring in theatre and maybe music. I'm actually following my passions, and not the dreams that were set aside for me by someone else.
I'm doing this my way.
And I couldn't be happier about it. ?
