RANDOMS WANT TO SEX ME. (The beautiful woman's lament)
It's a total pain in the arse And one thing I am sure I want this total arse pain To be just metaphor
The randoms want to sex me All of the girls and boys But they don't get on my radar They're simply background noise
It's tough to find a boyfriend when you're quite as hot as me Though random guys will stick around And that's a gluenasty When I can be with anyone Anything arranged Someone less than perfect Would just leave me short changed.
He must be SO good looking And someone that I like And drive a Porsche or Bentley Or swanky motorbike He should be smart but macho Sensitive but tough I want my sexy boyfriend To see the randoms off
Cause it's tough to find a boyfriend when you're quite as hot as me And random creeps will sniff aorund And that's a gluenasty I do not want to settle For someone second best And I'm sorry guys but most of you Just leave me unimpressed
So in the clubs they stand and stare But most of them don't try To even say hello to me It takes an Alpha guy
So some of them still hook up And head off to the loos They can't get with the number one So they do their number twos...
It's tough to find a boyfriend when you're quite as hot as me When every curve and every line Has worked out perfectly If people got to know me They would see that I am nice But I have to keep the randoms off With an outer layer of ice
Now my best mate has found a guy That she would like to see But he doesnt seem to fancy her He seems to fancy me
So I listen kind of politely Give a quiet little cough Which if you listen carefully Would sound just like "Fuck off"
It's tough to find a boyfriend when you're quite as hot as me The randoms want to bell my curves And deviate me standardly I know there's someone out there Worthy to be mine But where's the bugger got to He takes his fucking time
And then one day my head is turned I'm overwhelmed and smitten He turns this ice cold kitty cat Into a purring kitten He's tall and dark, mysterious Sensitive and funny At last theres someone good enough For me to call my honey
In bed that night we touch the stars But now I am appalled I'll have to sex a random The bastard hasn't called.
You saw it in the papers and it wouldn't leave your mind Some local urban gangster who'd been shot up the behind You've dabbled with the criminals, but just the lowest rung It isn't easy being the man when you're still far too young A switchblade in your pockets that you've never had to use but you've waved it round in anger when off on drugs and booze It won't be long till someone comes with nothing left to lose..
You saw them on the telly, the bodies lying dead And night and day the thoughts of it go round inside your head It's fast track to the respect you've so far been denied They told you son just wait your turn, but all those fuckers lied It won't be long till somebody will come across your path And you'll seize an opportunity and beat him for a laugh Then slice him till the blade is red and slimy in the shaft
And then the crowd will notice you and stare at you in fear No longer you, the little cunt, the little fucking queer Now you've got the attitude, you can join the fun You start to throw your weight around, you hint you've got a gun And everything is gravy there, for a year or two Till you meet some fucked up little cunt With the same idea as you.
They told us that you had Assange Hidden in your blamange We checked and found he wasn't there Nor hidden in your underwear He wasn't in your peticoats In your pants, just the scrotes We asked you nice, we asked you hard We locked you up in Scotland Yard...
So We'll waterboard your Granny till you tell We'll torture the old lady and her little dog as well We hope you see the funny side That we stop before she died Then we'll put you in Gunatanamo So you can rot in Hell
We looked and looked and still can't find Bin Laden We wonder if you know where hes been hidin We think he was in Pakistan But maybe he is with your Gran Shes a shifty bugger with a plan We asked her nice, we asked her hard She said that no, she was retired...
So We'll waterboard your Granny till you tell We'll torture the old lady and her little dog as well We hope you see the funny side That we stop before she died Then we'll put you in Gunatanamo So you can rot in Hell
We looked and looked and still can't tell our arses from our elbows And where our huge black budget goes well who the fucking hell knows We found a book on anatomy But we dont't like thing too papery Its not that we wouldnt hurt a tree But its easier to leak stuff on CD...
So We'll waterboard your Granny till you tell We'll torture the old lady and her little dog as well We hope you see the funny side That we stop just before she died Then we'll put you in Gunatanamo So you can rot in Hell And all your commie liberal bastard gun controlling Same sex marriage atheistic vegetarian democratic Dodgey mates as well.
Chubby Underpants Ninjary's brand new album: Gluenasty.
TRACK1: I teabagged myself: (Edwards) TRACK 2: Randoms want to sex me TRACK 3: Waterboarding Grannny TRACK 4: The love that dare not grunt it's name (Edwards) TRACK 5: Ninjazzled (Katy Leah) TRACK 6: CF Arab Conversation TRACK 7: Killing a Sequin (Katy Leah) TRACK 8: Glitterati Muffin Top Thong o'Stealth (Katy Leah) TRACK 9: Underaged Murderphiles TRACK 10: Why are you looking at me like that? (Edwards) TRACK 11: Straitjacket Onesies (Katy Leah) TRACK 12: Chubby Underpants Ninjary
