Angry Dragon Immediately after you blow your load in a girl's mouth, smack the back of her head and make it come out her nose. When she gets up she'll look like an angry dragon.
Arabian Goggles A "seldom-seen" maneuver when you put your testicles over her eye sockets while getting head. (Picture it: ass on forehead) It may be anatomically impossible, but what the fuck else is new.
The Bait N' Tackle The sailors used this one in the old Navy days. Before you go off for a long, lonely voyage, get yourself a tall jar and fill it completely with earthworms. When you get lonely, open the jar and fuck away. The earthworms will provide some slithery stimulation, and your protein load will keep them nicely fed. Gone fishing!
Ballsacking Takes some luck of the gene pool, but if you're able to do it, always great fun. While you are straddling her, take your nutsack and spread it out over her face like pizza dough.
Bear Claw A synonym for extremely large pussy lips.
Beef Curtain The shanked out remains of the labia after being stretched like Play-Doh from an hour or so of jimmy-jam.
Beer Dick This is what most guys get after a good night of drinking. They tend to fuck anything with a pussy while experiencing beer dick.
Blumpy You need to find a real tramp to do this right. It involves having her sucking you off while you are on the shitter.
The Bronco You start by going doggy style and then just when she is really enjoying it, you grab her tits as tight as possible and yell another girls name. This gives you the feeling of riding a wild bronco as she desperately tries to buck you off.
Brown Bagging It Sometimes you meet a girl with a body like there's no tomorrow but a face like a mangy dog. Don't let that body go to waste and let her hideousness stop you from fucking her though. Just draw the smiley face on a brown paper bag, place it over her head, and fuck away while keeping your composure and piece of mind.
Brown Necktie You're about halfway through ass-wrecking a chick, and instead of filling up her keister with your demonseed, you pull out and proceed to tittie fuck her, leaving a brown streak between the funbags.
Brunski When a man puts his face between a woman's breasts and quickly moves his head back and forth while saying "Brunski" in a very drawn out and exaggerated manner. (There are many other variant names.)
The Bullwinkle The sign given to a friend in hiding while doggie styling' some chick. It is performed by placing both hands over the head, with palms facing out and waving wildly. Can be supplemented by shouting "Hey Rocky." (Make sure to use appropriate Bullwinkle voice tone.)
Butter Face When you see a chick with an awesome body, "but her face", is nasty.
The Canine Special Liberally apply peanut butter to your dick and call over the family dog. Lick Ubu lick. Good Dog. Arf!
The Carpet Cleaner While banging a girl doggy style, tie her arms behind her back, lift up her hips, and run around the room pushing her face first across the carpet. Not recommended with large women.
The Chili Dog When you take a hot dump on a girl's tits and then proceed to titty fuck her.
Chocolate Pizza Happily discovering hemorrhoids while eating a shitty brown eye.
Cleveland Steamer The act of leaving a shit stain on the rib cage of a woman while receiving penile pleasure from friction between the mammaries.
Cock-Stuffing Apparently somewhat on the fringe in gay circles, but involves using thin, cylindrical items (thermometers, wire, rubber worms, etc.), and inserting them into the dick hole. Over many months, continue to gradually ream out the hole-at-the-head with larger items, thus ultimately allowing your "buddy" to obtain the goal of fucking your urethra. Wow!
Cold Lunch The act of vomiting directly onto some chick's head while she's performing fellatio.
The Concoction First, ejaculate all over the floor. Next, have your psycho bitch girlfriend menstruate on your semen. Stir it with your finger until you get a nice thick pink mixture. Proceed to paint yourselves up silly, just as if you were in kindergarten again.
The Compton Gangbang You meet a young lady at the bar. She tells you she has a boyfriend, but she ends up going home with you anyway for a one-night stand. When you take her to your place, tell your friends to wait outside your bedroom door. Just when she's about to get off, your friends barge in the room and plainly beat the shit out of her. That should teach her not to fuck around. (Ladies, feel free to perform a Compton Gangbang on guys too. I know you've got some fat girlfriends to help you out.)
Cop's Delight The act of taking a girl in the ass, pulling out, and spewing all over her "pastry buns", thus transforming her rump into the allusion of an oversized, quivering glazed donut.
The Corkscrew Cross your fingers, middle over index. Twist your wrist back and forth and go to work on your desired orifice. With practice, you'll have the effectiveness of a dill press and within weeks you'll be able to bore through wood.
Corn Originating from the fine campus of Cornell University comes this unique, rarely used term. Saying that a girl is "Corn" means, she is so fucking hot, so beautiful, so utterly drop-dead gorgeous, that you would happily eat the corn out of her shit. Can be used as a great pick-up line or friendly compliment, for instance; "Baby, you're more Corn than Green Giant", or "Damn bitch, you are Corn!"
Couch Bombing When you fill a small ziploc sandwich bag with Crisco (or your favorite lubrication) and place it between the cushions on the couch. You then proceed to fuck the couch as if it were a woman...but no need to buy It dinner first
Coyote This occurs when you wake up in the room of a nasty wombat and you know you've got to give her the slip. However, you realize that your arm is wrapped around her. Therefore you must gnaw off your own arm to get out of the situation. Can be very painful.
Cum Dumpster A quadriplegic whore.
Cum Guzzling Sperm Burping Bitch The once in a lifetime act when blowing a hot steamy load down the back of the girl's throat, proceed to give her a large cold bottle of your most favorite carbonated drink and make her guzzle it down. Then, shake her head vigorously back and forth to create the Cum Guzzling, Sperm Burping effect. A great way to impress your friends.
Daisy Chain Partner (A) is sucking off or eating out partner (B) who is sucking off or eating out partner (C) and so on until the final person is sucking off or eating out partner (A). Partners can be gay, lesbian or straight.
Davey Crockett A sexual maneuver in which you slip muscle relaxants into your gal's snizzpod, then slide your head in, thus wearing your partner's now-relaxed snatch-fur as a coonskin cap. Can come in handy on those cold winter nights.
Dirty Sanchez A time honored event in which while laying the bone doggie style, you insert your finger into her asshole. You then pull it out and wipe it across her upper lip leaving a thin shit mustache. This makes her look like someone whose name is Dirty Sanchez.
Dirty Swirly While boning a chick doggie style near a toilet (preferably one filled with a healthy load of shit, or some hot piss, or both), stick her head in the toilet and flush...she'll dig it.
Dog In A Bathtub This is a proper name for when you attempt to insert your nuts into a girl's ass. It is so named because it can be just as hard as keeping a dog in the tub while giving it a bath.
Donkey Punch Banging a girl doggy style and then moments before you cum, you stick your dick in her ass, and then punch her in the back of the neck. The blow to the neck will stun the muscles in the female's ass, which will constrict the penis and give you a tremendous orgasmic experience when you ejaculate.
Duct Tape Trick Wrapping a hamster in duct tape so you can safely fuck it without the danger of a messy split.
Dutch Oven Entrapping an unsuspecting sleeping partner in a world of ass odor by farting under the covers and pulling them over her head (and yours as well if you're into that sort of thing).
Dutch Treat The unexpected result of a Dutch Oven gone terribly awry. Can be very messy.
DVDA The abbreviation for "double-anal, double-vaginal". This is the term used when a girl takes four cocks in two holes. A hard core porn industry norm.
The Electric Chair Your psychobitch girlfriend decides she wants to try something kinky, so she props your stupid naive ass up in a chair, strips you down, and ties you up. After arousing you, she then takes a car battery and clamps two jumper cables to each nut sack. This causes you to have all sorts of synapses, spasms, and convulsions. She then mounts your Frankenstein and proceeds to get electrofucked. Warning! May cause erectile dysfunction after performed.
Felching A gay activity which I do not condone at all. It happens when one fag fucks another fag in the ass and then sucks the jizz out with a straw. Only included for those of you who are considering going to jail. *note: never seen it done with a straw...
The Fish Eye From behind, you shove both fists in her ass (or his if in prison). Thereupon she turns around in a one-eyed winking motionsignaling that she has been there and done that.
Fish-Hook When you pull back towards the pussy after you stick your finger up her anus.
The Fire Island This consists of telling someone you're going to spunk on their face while they are asleep, only half-jokingly, and then when they don't believe you, doing it just to prove that you're that demented.
Flaming Amazon This one's for all you pyromaniacs out there. When your screwing some chick, right when your about to cum, you pull out and quickly grab the nearest lighter and set her pubes on fire, then...extinguish the flames with your jizz!
Flooding The Cave Inserting the penis into a woman's pussy and then urinating inside her. Applies to butt pirates as well.
The Flying Camel A personal favorite. As she is lying on her back and you are hammering her from your knees. You very carefully move forward and prop yourself (without using your arms) on your dick while it is still inserted in her vagina. You then proceed to flap your arms and let out a long shrieking howl much like a flying camel. Strictly a class move.
The Flying Dutchman This didn't used to be a specific deviant sexual act, it was just a phrase that sounded dirty and would be shouted out during intercourse on occasion simply for the novelty factor. However, its popularity increased and it has now developed into a specific act, namely that of, just as you are about to blow a load, in any sort of sexual situation (even masturbation for those true pioneers who are constantly on the cutting edge of the sexual revolution) you begin to shout, "Here comes the Flying Dutchman!" This should confuse your sexual partner (or whoever is in hearing range) completely, sometimes causing interesting side effects.
The Fountain Of You While sitting on her face and having her eat your ass, jerk off like a madman. Build up as much pressure as possible before you release and spew like a venerable geyser all over her face, neck and tits. (Better in her bed)
Fur Ball You're chomping away at some mighty trollop who has a mane between her legs the size of Lionel Richie's afro, a mammoth hair ball gets lodged into your throat.
Gobstopper With two hands, spread your tramp's anus open, then spit a big-ass loogie down the asshole then close it back up. You can give her a smack on the ass when you're done, if you want.
Golden Shower Any form of dropping piss all over your partner. Great for those who like watersports.
Greek The act of using your "glue stick" (if you know what I'm saying) and gluing your gal's eyes closed with your man seed. E.g. "Hey guys, check it out, I just greeked her!" or "Sorry honey, but you asked for the Greek salad
Ham And Cheese Sandwich Eating a woman's box after you ejaculate all over it. A delightful, tasty combination of her yummy meat curtains with your added cheesy topping is sure to appeal to anyone's appetite.
Hershey Highway When plugging your girl in the ass, you run into some hot diarrhea. Don't hurt her feelings by getting grossed out though, just pretend it's extra lube.
High Dive The skill of pulling your Johnson all the way out of your partner's hole and in one motion jamming it home again. Best suited for use in the corn hole, but can be very dangerous.
The Hindenburg When some slut who is so bad at oral sex, you're forced to cry "Oh! The humanity!" as her teeth scrape your man tool.
Hogging While intoxicated, high, or just plain desperate, you go searching for the fattest bitch you can find and proceed to ride her like a Harley. Best accomplished with large groups friends.
Hole In One The act of sticking your dick in your own ass. Just try not to get a huge boner once it's in, or you'll get a nice snapparoo.
Hotdog In A Hallway When laying the pipe, you realize your dick isn't even touching the walls of her vagina, kind of like tossing a hotdog in a hallway. Most frequently happens when banging the neighborhood trick or if you're slinging a small dick.
Hot Karl The act in which a woman sucks the cock of the same man who moments earlier was balls deep in her can.
Hot Karl Candy Cane A variation of the above in which the man who is receiving the oral cock cleaning gives the woman a reach around.
Hot Lunch The result of defecating a tube of shit directly into a girl's mouth.
Hummer The well known added variation to a blowjob in which a broad hums her favorite tune while she sucks away. The vibrations felt against your dick will most definitely produce a healthy orgasm.
The Hunter Gatherer You and your partner defecate while 69ing. Pretty much self-explanatory.
The Indian Cock Burn While a chick sucks you off, she twists her hand around your shaft as if she was trying to give you an Indian burn.
The Jedi Mind Trick When banging your partner, you repeatedly shout "I'm NOT fucking you, I'm NOT fucking you".
The Jelly Donut Give some skank a facial and follow it up with a swift pimp crack in the nose. The resulting blood and jizz that covers her face bears a resemblance to a jelly donut.
The Juanita Special Bean Dip While your tramp rides you like a mechanical bull, insert your thumb into her poop chute (be sure to get your thumb nice and gooey), then stick your brown thumb into her mouth, and slip it under her tongue so she can get the full robust taste of the Juanita "special" bean dip.
Kennebunkport Surprise The act of covertly filling your cheeks with chunky-style New England clam chowder, and screaming in disgust as you hurl it between your partners legs while eating her out.
Kick-Fucking The act of receiving sexual pleasure from repeatedly getting kicked in the ass.
The Landshark The woman braces herself facing a wall, naked, hands against the wall, legs spread, bent over so that her ass is lusciously jutting out. (hint: She might want to wear a biking helmet and some rollerblading wrist guards to avoid serious injury.) Next, the guy also naked as well as stiff cocked, walks to the opposite end of the room, places his palms together and raises them above his head, (thus imitating the dorsal fin of a shark) and begins chanting the theme to Jaws. When given some predetermined signal, the guy sprints toward the girl at full speed with his pelvis-out, fin protruding, and rams her dead square in the ass.
The Lorena Bobbit Obviously, this one is for the ladies. When engaging in some hard core booty sex, squeeze your butt cheeks together as tight as you can, and start violently jumping and thrashing your ass around, in an effort to rip his dick off. (To reach true Lorena status, you must take the severed dick for a drive and then toss it out the window.)
The Menthol The act of getting head from a woman who just moments earlier ate a numerous amounts of cough drops, thus insuring a pleasurable, tingly feeling on your cock.
The Mellon Dive Headbutting a woman's big fat titties. Always lots of fun.
Monkey Wrench When some sadistic bitch takes your dick back between your legs and sucks you off.
Monroe Transfer When you and your partner connect each other's assholes with a tube. One defecates through the tube, thus transferring the turds to the rectum of the other.
The Moped A chick that's a fun ride until your friends see you on it, if you know what I mean.
The Mork Made famous by Robin Williams on Mork & Mindy, stick your pinky and ring fingers up a girls ass, then jam your middle and index fingers up her cunt. (Please note: Not complete until you finish it off with a Nanoo-Nanoo!)
Moses A man who enjoys going down on a woman during her period. Derived from the Biblical figure Moses, who parted the Red Sea.
The Motorboat While performing oral sex on a girl, flap your lips together on her clit, thus imitating the sound of a motorboat. She'll love you forever.
Muff Teaser Finger, suck, eat, etc. a girl until she is begging for it. Then rub your stiffy round her golden valley until she screams at you to give her a banging. Right when her frustration is at its highest level, stop and finish with a DIY(do it yourself) handjob. Then leave the room without saying a word. Not to be tried if you want to shack up with the selfish bitch again.
The Mung Obtain a female that has been dead for 2-3 days (the time period since death is important). Then place your mouth just outside her vaginal opening. Have a friend jump on her stomach, and try to catch as much stuff that comes out as you can in your mouth.
Mushy Biscuit This is actually a very fun game. Just choose a piece of food that you and your male friends like to eat. Then you and your buddies form a tight circle around the food item and proceed to jerk off all over it. Last one to bust a nut gets the prize of eating the food.
New Jersey Meat-Hook The unusual method of inserting one's finger in the ass of your partner while screwing her, and feeling her cervix. This procedure is most effective from behind.
New York Style Taco Anytime when you are so drunk that when you go down, you barf on her box. Happy trails.
The Nixon A variation of the Bullwinkle in which you give two peace signs as your signal of dominance. May enhance the act by shaking jowls and yelling, "I'm not a crook". This is considered very bold and is frowned upon for those with a modicum of decorum.
Oyster A derivation of the tea bag which is accomplished by numbing one's testicles with ice and then inserting them in a chicks mouth and letting the tramp munch on them.
Pasadena Mudslide This happens when you leave a windy shit between the breasts of a woman while you straddle her neck for a blowjob. (A close cousin to the Cleveland Steamer.)
Pattycake While you're nailing some girl doggie style and your friend is catching some head off the same girl, you get a quick game of pattycake going. This makes you reminisce of your childhood memories and eases the sight of watching your friend blow his load.
Paying The Rent A position in which the woman is folded in half, knees above shoulders, while the man holds the back of her calves and bangs ferociously.
Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich Shit on a woman's snatch during menstruation. Proceed to munch. Mmmm Mmmm Nasty! (Crunchy or smooth...depending on what you've been eating.)
Pearl Necklace Well known. Whenever you cum on the neck/cleavage area of a girl - it takes on the look of beautiful jewelry. Fuck that diamonds are forever shit.
The Pig Roast While you're plugging some girl's hole doggie style, (up the dirt road or the funhole, pick your poison) she's blowing your best friend's cock at the same time, hence simulating a pig on a spit. Very Similar to Chinese Finger Cuffs.
Pink Glove Hate when this happens. Every so often a girl is not wet enough during sex. When you finally pull out to give her money, the inside of her twat sticks to your hog. Thus, the pink glove.
The Pirate's Treasure While fucking your girl in the ass, you strike a hefty load of shit. After you've found this buried treasure deep in her booty, you scream, "Argh!", like a pirate.
Plating Take a clear, glass plate and place it on your partners face, then shit on it. It gives them a nice view without all the messy cleanup. How come you don't see that on any Dawn commercials.
The Popcorn Trick First, take your girlfriend to the cinemas, for a nice romantic date. Buy a tub of popcorn, wait until the lights dim, and carefully make a hole in the bottom on the tub. Then, inconspicuously insert your penis through the bottom of the tub into the popcorn and casually offer some to your bitch. When she digs in, she will find nice surprise. Who doesn't love buttered popcorn?
Puerto Rican Fog Bank While 69ing with your partner, release a cloud of sphincter fog directly into her nostrils.
Purple Mushroom This occurs when a woman is giving you oral sex and you withdraw your penis in order to poke it back into her cheek. It should leave a lasting impression similar to a purple mushroom.
Queef A well known, but sometimes embarrassing occurrence. Queefing happens when air gets trapped in a girls vagina, and makes a soft hissing, or farting kind of a sound while that air is released.
The Ram When attacking from behind, you start ramming her head against the wall in a rhythmic motion. The force of the wall should allow for deeper penetration. Very handy in those lulls in penile sensitivity.
Rear Admiral An absolute blast. When getting a chick from behind (while both partners standing), make sure you don't let her grab on to anything when she is bent over. Then, drive you hips into her backside so that you end up pushing her forwards. The goal is to push her into a wall or table. It's almost as much fun watch her face hit the floor. You rise to Admiral status when you can bang her around the room without crashing into anything and not using your hands to grab onto her hips
Red Wings Another name for navigating the moose knuckle with your tongue while discovering the girl is on her rag. Be a real man and earn your red wings soldier!
Resuscitation When a girl is asleep, carefully open her mouth so that she doesn't awake. Then, squat over her face and carefully place your shit hole on her lips. When the time is right, you let rip the biggest baddest fart ever known to man and see if it wakes her up. Great fun during those long sleepless nights.
The Roddy Piper When getting your girl from behind, you toss the sleeper hold on her and knock her out ala Rowdy Roddy Piper. While nailing your unconscious victim, you get to simulate your life long dream of necrophilia. Now you never have to break into the morgue again.
The Rodeo Similar to the Bronco. You start once again, banging a chick from behind. At a pre-arranged time you grab her hair with one hand just as several buddies bust into the room. See if you can hang on for 8 seconds cowboy. Yee Haw!
The Rose Creeper Seductively brush a beautiful long stem red rose against your sweetheart's neck, breasts, and inner thigh. Slowly rub the rose along her smooth skin as you tenderly kiss her entire body. After working her into the mood for some deep love making, unzip your fly and pull out your raging boner. Begin to punish-fuck her dumper while whipping her with the rose and screaming nasty obscenities at her. I bet she never saw that coming.
The Rusty Trombone This is what happens when you've got a less then respectable female (AKA be-yatch) tongue deep in your chute. She wiggles her tongue as she does the reach around to pump you like a Catholic priest doing an Alter Boy, thus mimicking a trombone player.
Sandbag Under an assumed name in a tropical region, you meet a young hottie and engage in the well known cliche of sex on the beach. Just before insertion, remove the rubber (without getting caught of course), and proceed to bang away until you blow your load, without pulling out. As you dismount and prepare for departure, grab a handful of sand, throw it in her eyes, and run away laughing hysterically while leaving her blinded, butt-necked, and knocked up. Especially lots of fun when accomplished during the spring break season.
The Screwnicorn When a dyke puts her strap-on dildo on her forehead and proceeds to go at her partner like a crazed unicorn.
The Seatbelt While one fag straddles his partners cock, he receives a blowjob from the fruitcake on the bottom.
Shirley Temple Pour a can of 7-Up on a girl's menstruating pussy and eat her out.
The Shocker When you insert your index and middle fingers in the woman's vagina and pinky in her anus. After giving her a few good minutes of double duty finger banging, pull your fingers out and give your index and middle finger a quick sniff and pinky a good sucking, all in one smooth motion.(a.k.a. Smoking the Pinky.)
Shop Vac When a dirty, talented tramp stuffs you're entire package (balls and all) into her mouth, and blows you with amazing suction power.
Shrimping The term for licking or sucking your partner's toes.
Skiing While facing in the same direction, a girl gets between two guys and jerks them both off, thus imitating some hardcore cross-country action.
Slumpbuster When a professional athlete finds the dirtiest, nastiest, fattest, most disease-ridden skank and puts the wood to her with the intent that it will break up a slump.
Snerd Nurgling The act of moving your anal lovers turds about within his/her lower intestine with your dick. Really popular with the lavender boys, hence the expression, "Oh Lance, Nergle me you Snerd"...
Snoodling When an uncircumcised homo pulls his extra foreskin over the cock of another homo and proceeds to jerk him off. Those gays have way too much free time. Can be used at as a great derogatory term as in, "You Snoodler!"
Snowball Ah yes, every man's worst nightmare, the dreaded snowball. This happens when a girl blows you and spits the jizz in your mouth. Another definition is when a girl blows some other guy, and then gives you a hot sloppy kiss with some of that guy's fresh jizz still in her mouth. With all those dirty broads out there, odds are it has happened to you. Just ask your friends if it has, cause they probably already know and have been laughing their asses off at you.
The Snuff Lovingly fuck the shit out of your virgin or ragging girlfriend and wipe your bloody member across her face. Take a couple Polaroids, show them to your friends, and brag that you're a snuff film superstar.
Stranger Sitting on your hand until it falls asleep and then jerking off, giving you the feeling of a hand job from someone else.
Stranger On The Rocks Numbing your hand by sticking it in a bucket of ice and then jerking off. Spanken not stirred.
Strangers In The Night When you and your gay buddy each numb your hand (you should know how by now) and spank each other off. Thus eliciting the feeling of a hand job from someone else, from someone else.
Stingy Nut When a chick isn't worth fucking; pull down her pants, bend her over, and jerk off all over her ass.
Sud N' Fud When trying to bang a girl, she gives that same old story, "I not that kind of girl.", "I don't fuck on the first date.", "I'm catholic.", "Stop asshole.", etc. etc... After hearing all this bullshit, you whip out your handy bar of soap. Then lather up her armpit (or any other joint you prefer), and proceed to fuck that instead.
Surfing This happens when you nail a fat woman. As you watch the rippling effect of her rolls with every thrust, along with the feeling of being drenched, off balance, out of control, and in danger, you are given the sense of riding the ultimate wave.
Swimmer's Ear When a girl is giving you a good sucking and right before you erupt, you remove yourself from her mouth, place your purple head in her ear, and fill her ear with some sweet love seed. Hopefully, you will give her an infection.
Tea Bag To perform the tea bag, have the girl lay flat on her back. Then you squat over her with your hands on your knees, and gently dip your nut sac in and out of her mouth in a motion similar to performing some kind of fucked up yoga exercise.
3-Eyed Turtle Basically plug every orifice of a girl in the following manner: thumb in ass, fingers in pussy, and dick in mouth.
The Tortoise When you eat out someone who doesn't have pubic hair yet - i.e. you got there before the hair (hare) did.
Tossing Salad A common prison act where one person basically chows asshole with the help of whatever condiments are available. (I.e. jelly, syrup, olive oil, etc.)
Tropical Wind When getting your asshole eaten out by a worthless tramp, you break wind.
Tuna Melt You're down on a chick lapping away and discover that it just happens to be that time of the month. By no means do you stop though. When the whale spews tartar sauce with a hint of raspberry smothers your face.
Twisted Sister Have your dominatrix girlfriend dress up in some hot black leather gimp wear and proceed to handcuff your hands behind your back and then force you to your knees. Unsuspecting, diminutive, and cradled over with your ass is in the air, she then gives you the most erotic enema of your life. Now that's some great S&M fun.
Vegetarian Hot Lunch A variation of the Hot Lunch in which the diner stretches a piece of saran wrap over her mouth such that chewing (for texture) is possible, but no actual contact with waste product occurs.
Wake Up Call Waking up in the middle of the night with the hard on of your life. You then turn to your fast asleep partner and dry fuck her ass into oblivion. The clincher to performing a wake up call is to act like nothing of the sort happened in the morning. E.g. "Sweetheart, what's that on your back?"
The Walrus After spunking in a girl's mouth, you pinch the center of her two lips together and hold her nose. This will force the cum to dribble out of the sides of her mouth, thus the teeth of the walrus.
Western Grip When jerking off, turn your hand around, so that your thumb is facing towards you. It is the same grip that rodeo folks use, hence, western.
Westside Glaze Same as the eastside glaze, but the majority of your jizz lands on the left side of her face.
The Woody Woodpecker When a girl is sucking on your balls, tap your cock on her forehead.
The Zombie Mask While getting head from your favorite, unsuspecting, trash-barrel whore, tell her you want her to look right up at you with those pretty little eyes" when you blow your load. Then, just when you're ready to spew a good week's worth of goo, blast that hefty load in both eyes. This temporary state of blindness will produce the zombie effect as she stumbles around the room with arms outstretched, and moaning like the walking dead. Mood: Amused :D
Sooooooooooooo, read on, then peep the end, lol ______________________________________________________________________________ Libra Woman – Libra Man Compatibility
The factors which help in developing compatibility between a Libra woman and a Libra man are their similar positive qualities. The concerning thing is that the weaknesses in their relationship are caused due to the fact that they also share similar negative traits. And because of this reason it is possible that the relationship might become successful or can be a failure. They both look for a partner with whom they can share their sorrows, doubts, happiness & fears which can help in building compatibility.
Libra woman always want to have harmony in their relationship and do things that will help in pleasing their partner. These same qualities are also present in a Libra man and thus can help in creating strong bonds between them. It is very unlikely that they will face any serious problems in their relationship as both the zodiac signs want to maintain a happy relation with the other. There is also very less chance that one of them would try to have a dominating role in the relationship as they both are kind of person who like equality & balance in any relation. Libra woman like finer things and as both have the same zodiac signs will find very similar likings in their partner and this will help keep the relationship interesting for both of them. One negative personality trait that both will have to concentrate on is that they are not very good at taking decisions & this can create problems in their life as well as relationship. They will have to take care to get a solution on how to correct it.
Libra Man – Aries Woman Compatibility
The nature of a Libra man is that he likes to have a balanced professional and also personal life while an Aries woman wants to maintain her freedom, does not want to do pre defined tasks or be compelled into doing something. The other characteristic of an Aries woman is that she runs away from routine mundane tasks.
The features of a Libra man’s character are his charm, politeness, charismatic personality, helpfulness, cooperative and understanding nature. The nature of a Libra man and an Aries woman is not similar but we also know that things of opposite nature often tend to attract each other. The compatibility and also relationship is likely to form between a Libra man and an Aries woman as they will find that their partner has the characteristics in his nature that are lacking in their own character. The polite nature of a Libra man complements well the aggressive nature that an Aries woman has. The possibility of differences are likely as a Libra man closely looks into various aspects of a decision while an Aries woman is not a person bothered about such things and does not think about the consequences of her decision. A Libra man has a refined temperament while an Aries woman is a person with fiery as well as aggressive character.
The possibility that compatibility will develop between them and they will have a successful and happy relationship will largely depend on the amount of adjustment each one of them is prepared to make.
Libra Man – Taurus Woman Compatibility
The way Libra man and Taurus woman think is similar and they both want to have a life which will have peace & harmony and there will be no place for discords. They have other matching qualities such as gentleness, compassion and amiability which will increase the chances of strong compatibility between them.
It is not that they do not have any opposing characteristic. There are differences between them like the outgoing nature of Libra man and the reserved nature of a Taurus woman. The things that a Libra man will like about a Taurus woman are her romantic nature and attraction towards luxurious life. These are the features which are also present in a Libra man and thus will help to create attraction between them. The qualities in a Libra man that a Taurus woman will feel attractive will be his positive spirit & convincing nature. The point to be concerned about will be that a Libra man often lacks the qualities to show commitment in a relationship and this will make a Taurus woman worried and feel insecure. To develop compatibility and relationship they will have to actively work and correct problems in their character.
A Libra man is quite sociable and is also a person who appreciates beauty. These qualities will help to draw a Taurus woman towards him. But it is also true that compatibility is often not good between an air and earth sign and because of that a relationship will be difficult to form and sustain.
Libra Man – Gemini Woman Compatibility
A good relationship is easily formed between a Libra man and a Gemini woman due to their similar personality traits and behavior. Libra man will get attracted to the character of a Gemini woman where she is a kind of person who is good at conversations with people and also likes being in a group.
The nature of a Libra man where he is of compromising & considerate nature will be the qualities which will get attention of a Gemini woman. A Libra man always makes the effort so that his partner feels happy in the relationship which will also help in building compatibility. The other similarities between them are that they both have excellent intellect and are of nature where can easily entertain other people. In a relationship between a Libra man and a Gemini woman there will never be any space for boredom as both will be able to make the other person happy. The depressing mood swings of a Libra man will be easily handled by a Gemini woman by her humorous nature. Some of the other personality traits of a Gemini woman which will draw attention of a Libra man are her adventurous personality, ability to communicate with others & intelligence. The concerning thing in the relationship will be that both persons lack decision making qualities and this can be a problem in future. Another thing that we should point out is that they both like spending and when in a relationship one will have to constrain his or her urge to spend so that they do not face financial problems. But overall we can say that there is enough compatibility between them to make the relationship work as well as succeed.
Libra Man – Cancer Woman Compatibility
If we look at a relationship between a Libra man and a Cancer woman then we will find that there are a lot of similar as well as dissimilar characteristic between them. Both zodiac signs are good at recognizing the feeling their partner has and are able to easily understand what he or she needs. The good things about a Cancer woman that will attract a Libra man will be her nature where she tries to avoid discords and also wants to do things with harmony. They both are kind of people who like to live a peaceful & tension free life.
As a Libra man is quite a rational, practical & open minded person, it will be easy for him to develop compatibility with his partner. If he as well as his partner accept changes in their behavior and attitude then forming a relationship will not be difficult. Few of things in their character which will help to attract their partner towards them will be the communication skills & dependability for a Libra man and emotional nature for a Cancer woman. When discussing the opposite factors of their character we can say that a Libra man spends a lot while this is not the same for a Cancer woman. Other thing is that a Libra man believes in a carefree life and does not pay much attention to planning things in life while a Cancer woman is of quite sensible & practical nature. A Libra man will feel uncomfortable as a Cancer woman is not very good at expressing her feelings. The solution to this can be good amount of communication so that they understand their partner better and compatibility is strengthened.
Libra Man – Leo Woman Compatibility
We can expect that a Libra man and a Leo woman will have good compatibility as they have matching characteristic features. Both are romantic by nature, like enjoying life, attending parties and socialize with other people.
The relationship will be strengthened by the fact that a Libra man has a flexible nature and will be able to easily adjust to the stubbornness a Leo woman has. The other good thing in this relationship is that both persons like to live in the present & enjoy life. There will be good bonding between them as they like to lead an adventurous life, are of outgoing nature and like to interact with other people. The romantic nature that a Leo woman has will attract the Libra and additionally passion as well as power to express her self that is present in a Leo woman will attract a Libra man. As it is clear from the facts mentioned in the above sections there are quite a few similar features in their character which they will be able to use to build compatibility and a long term relationship.
There are differences which are like to arise in every relationship but because of the similarity of their nature they will be able to get solution for those differences. The compatibility being good between them the relationship will continue for a long time and they will be able to support each other whenever the need arises. The clear understanding between them will mean that they will be able to figure out what their partner wants which will be a great thing in their relationship.
Libra Man – Virgo Woman Compatibility
The relationship between a Libra man and a Virgo woman will have problems as both are of different nature and have different temperaments also. The nature of a Libra man is of socializing with people, sharing his viewpoints, communicating with others and accepting thinking other have. Opposite to the nature of Libra man, the nature of a Virgo woman is that she does not like to socialize much with people, tends to criticize others and cannot agree to any type of opinion which is flawed.
As it is clear there are dissimilarities between them and would most likely be the cause of problems between them and affect their relationship. Due to the nature of a Virgo woman a Libra man will start feeling that she is a person with narrow minded attitude. There are points to be concerned about for a Virgo woman also and she is going to believe that a Libra man is irresolute & indecisive by nature. Such problems will not be difficult to solve if they take conscious steps to solve them. A Libra man and a Virgo woman have totally different perspective towards life and the way they thing. These differences are going to be the cause for concern in their relationship and will affect compatibility between the two.
Some of the other things that do not match between them are that a Libra man thinks from his heart while deciding about something and on the other hand a Virgo woman takes help of logic and her mind to take decisions. Another thing which is different between them is that a Libra man expresses his quite nicely which a Virgo woman finds difficult doing. The problems will also arise because of the negative thinking that a Virgo woman has. We can conclude by saying that a relationship will be difficult to form between them because of the some many differences they have between them.
Libra Man – Scorpio Woman Compatibility
The features in a Scorpio woman that will attract a Libra man towards her will be the emotional nature and intensity she has but a Libra man should note that she likes to maintain her freedom in life and for a successful relationship with her he will have to give her the desired freedom.
The other characteristic of the nature of a Scorpio woman is that she is possessive and easily gets involved with her partner in a relationship. The positive thing about a Libra man is that he is a person with balanced attitude and will be able to stabilize the relationship as much as possible. The other favorable thing between them is that they are of romantic nature and pay required attention to the other partner. But some problems can arise due to the passionate nature Scorpio woman has and the objective nature a Libra man has. The compatibility will grow if Scorpio woman reduce their excessive possessive nature and a Libra man tries and shows more involvement in the relationship. The good communication skills they have will be a major advantage for them and will help to develop better compatibility. They are people who openly show their affection towards their partner which will also be a positive factor in the relationship.
But the strong headed personality of a Scorpio woman can cause problems for them in the relationship if she tries to take decision on behalf of her partner also. They will have to sit and figure out how to solve the problems they have between them so that the relationship is not affected.
Libra Man – Sagittarius Woman Compatibility
The personality of Libra man and a Sagittarius woman have many similarities that will make it easy for compatibility to develop. The similar qualities between them include desire for more freedom in their life, socializing with people & exploring new places.
A Libra man has balanced nature and is cautious about things & because of these personality traits they will easily support their Sagittarius partner who is known to be more adventurous than him and is prone to taking wrong decisions because of her nature. From the details mentioned so far it is clear that there is good compatibility between a Libra man and a Sagittarius woman and they will thus be able to form a successful relationship between them. There will not be any jealousy between them as both will provide the other person the required attention. The socializing and interactive nature that they have will be a positive factor between them and help to strengthen the bonds between them The qualities in a Sagittarius woman that a Libra man will like will be her free thinking and extrovert nature. The help she will provide him in becoming more spontaneous and doing things creatively will also work to make the relationship strong.
By showing commitment towards their partner in the relationship it will become easier for them to keep the relationship going and solve minor issues which often arise between people in a relationship. There is overall good compatibility and enough similar personality traits to help them make the relationship work and some amount to adjustment from both ends will make things work out easily.
Libra Man – Capricorn Woman Compatibility
The characteristic of a Libra man and Capricorn woman is such that many qualities of their personality match and many also exist which do not. A Libra man is known to be extrovert and also a person who loves to interact with people.
Boredom creeps in into their life if they stop talking with people or do not have anyone to talk to. Now if we look at a Capricorn woman we will find that she is a serious and self centered person. It will be possible for them to build compatibility, form a harmonious relationship and complement each other if they try and put some efforts to understand the other person. A good example of how they would be able to complement each other will be illustrated by the fact that their social obligations will be taken care of Libra man and maintaining security in their relationship will be the job of a Capricorn woman. With patience and perseverance compatibility will form between them and the consequent relationship will be successful. The thing that a Libra man will not like about Capricorn woman is that she is not as express as he him self is and this can create some problems between them. The stability in the attitude of a Capricorn woman will be liked by a Libra man but would create problems in case she tries over doing it.
The excitement loving nature and eagerness to enjoy life that a Libra man has will conflict with the somber nature of a Capricorn woman.
Libra Man – Aquarius Woman Compatibility
Libra man likes to socialize, converse with people and enjoy life. An Aquarius woman also has the same nature where she has many friends and like company of other people. They are also proficient in conversing on an intellectual level with others. The nature of both people is that they like freedom in their lives so when in a relationship there will not be any problems between them and compatibility will be easy to form.
The charm and nature where they are less demanding will attract an Aquarius woman towards a Libra man. Similarly the creative nature and initiative taking nature will draw a Libra man towards an Aquarius woman. One point which a Libra man will be concerned about will be lack of commitment in an Aquarius woman and will have an impact on their relationship. The positive thing for the relationship will be that a Libra man is quite expressive and will be able to show his affection for her in a clear manner. In addition to it a Libra man will get attracted towards an Aquarius woman because of her spontaneous nature. The relationship will be interesting for both due to the adventurous as well as impulsive nature of Aquarius woman. The other positive thing that they share is that none of them likes to put constrains on the freedom of other person.
From the above mentioned details it is clear that there is good compatibility between a Libra man and an Aquarius woman that will help these two zodiac signs to develop relationship that will in all probability last for a long time.
Libra Man – Pisces Woman Compatibility
There are many common things between a Libra man and a Pisces woman which includes sensitive nature, not liking aggression in behavior and not favoring arguments on a topic. But a Libra man will have difficulty adjusting to the fact that often a Pisces woman becomes too passive.
If we go back to analyzing the similarities between them then we will find that both of them look for tenderness & warmth in relationship and want to have a loving & passionate partner. With minor improvements in their character it will become easier for them to develop a good relationship. The nature of a Libra man is like that he likes freedom in his life and at times a Pisces woman becomes too clingy. This behavior can easily put off a Libra man and make them back out of showing commitment in the relationship. The dissimilarities and problems in the relationship that affect compatibility will have to be solved so that they do not become critical in future. A Libra man is a practical person while a Pisces woman is a dreamer. This opposite nature can create problems for them in their relationship. The things that will help to create bonding between them will be their passionate and romantic nature.
To summaries we can say that there is not overall compatibility between a Libra man and a Pisces woman to have a successful relationship. If they are serious about developing a relationship then they will have to concentrate on solving the problems they have between them.
DISCLAIMER: This isn't exactly a PG story, so, if you're offended, turn away now, if not, read on, reader...
These thoughts are dancing around, leaving footprints in my head, thoughts about her presense only makes me feel weak in the bed. I close my eyes to try and slumber, but it doesn't work, it's her spell I'm under. Alone, under these covers, I await her visage, her loving, lust filled touch, her sweet honeysuckle scent, her silk-like smooth hair, velvet-soft skin, and warm, moist flavor, to which I savor, while the nerves play dilly-dally, like kids in a meadow. This room, now covered in simple twilight shadows, veil her entrance, and I'm entranced, her hair frolicks in the air, driven by the breeze, her skin shines, reflecting the glimmers of light that crept through the window shades, not enough for fine detail, but enough to see her in her nighttime undress. She climbs onto the bed & under the covers, slowly crawling onto me, arm across my chest, her legs wrapped around mine, her head resting on my shoulder, while I wrap my arm around her, as she nuzzles the nape of my neck ever so lovingly.
My mind and heart slowly start to pace, as she kisses sweetly around my neck, whilst rubbing my chest, slowly gliding her hands down my torso, lightly scratching me on her way. I caress her, up and down her spine, as I slowly turn my body towards her's, looking deeply into her eyes. We kiss, lips hugging each other, tongues jousting playfully, I wrap my other arm around her, pulling her closer, her breasts resting on my chest, my hands surveying her outer half, one hand gripping her left cheek, the other reaching for her hair. I gently pull her hair, forcing her head back, as I kiss and lick around her neck, she moans quietly...I like her sound...bites, and she moans louder, puttng her free hand on the back of my head, pushing me further into her neck. I nibble & lick her neck, blowing cool air over the left over saliva, sending shivers down her spine, as her hand finally reaches it's destination. She grips me, slowly churning, slightly twisting, it's sensation is not hurting, but only starting the blood pumping, I'm admonished.
My lips and tongue start their own journey, slow moving down her neck, blowing air & making her tremble, I travel between her peaks, and kiss between them, lightly leaving blemishes only visible up close. She arches, stopping her twists but briefly, she turns, laying on her back, as I climb to one elbow, hovering above her. Around her ariolas, my tongue, lips and teeth do battle, each touch causing her to jump with each lap, suck and grip. I make use of my lower hand (for which I'm leaning on it's elbow), and start to fiddle with her other nipple, as my free hand starts to journey south. Her breath gets heavier, as I feel her blood start to rush, her skin heating, as I light her fire, fingers prance about her hood. She yelps quietly, as my fingers run along her lips, thumb strums and lifts, her hood no longer an obsticle, thumb starts to pamper her clit. Her legs start to creep up and down, as one finger starts to rub, with each swipe, it goes deeper, with each wipe, she drips cleaner, until finally..my fingers between her. Back and forth, my finger goes, back and forth, another shows, two in the crevise, soon joined by a third. She yelps and stutters, sighs and bellows, while my lips and tongue continue, following my hand's trail.
Her hands rest upon my scalp, and she pushes me further, till finally, lips meet lips, tongue meets flavor, my tastebud's sensation matching her's. My fingers exit, only to be replaced by my tongue, licking merrily around her lips and hood, tip strumming about her clit, like a tap dancer's delight, she grips the back of my head, pushing me further into her essence, deeper into her pink reverie. I straighten my tongue, piercing like a needle, her legs kick upward, then wrap around my dome, I pull them apart, for she's almost ready, her flavor staining my tongue, her warmth and tone inspire my arousal. I pull myself back, as she gazes upon me, with the look of want and intregue, I place her legs around and beside me, climbing, hovering above her again. I embrace. She wraps her arms around me, as I slowly thrusts, to and fro, her legs wrap around mine, as our lips lock again. Harder and faster, she starts to moan louder and louder, gradually, as her vocals climb to almost a scream, my heart races, my blood rushes, as thrust with the force of an avalanche, pounding away like a hurricane's wind.
Her hands release from me, as she grabs the sheets in a deathgrip, I continue to post, poke, and prod away, climbing to my knees, and grabbing her ankles, resting them beside my temples, as she looks up, in almost half exaustion. I stop, pulling out and looking at her like she was my last meal, she gets up, climbing to her knees, and positions herself before me, her head, neck and shoulders inclining. I grace her again, hands wrapped around her hips, pulling her back, as I thrust forward, we two cause applause, for we are each other's perfomance. She screams, gripping onto the sheets for dear life, her body trembles and quakes, she pants and moans, screams then groans, I thrust harder and faster, pouncing upon her once pristine cheeks. I grip them...SMACK, as she yelps in approval, she picks her upper half up, and I wrap one hand in her hair, she smiles sweetly, moans approvingly, as one of her hands gains rest upon the wall.
Her body jerks, as she let's loose one final yell, collapsing back onto the bed, I burst like a volcano, flooding her with my own lava...and she's flowing, yet glowing, smiling ever so sweetly, I lay beside her, smiling back, caressing her gently, she moves close to me, grabbing my arm, and wrapping it around her. We both release a deep, but well deserved sigh. I kiss her on her temple, as she lays with closed eyes, looking ever so peaceful. She can rest for now, for round 1's around the corner...
The 1st kind of sex is called ... Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet Someone and you both have sex until you are Blue in the face.
The 2nd kind of sex is called ... Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so needy you will have Sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.
The 3rd kind of sex is called ... Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a Long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you Usually have sex only in your bedroom.
The 4th kind of sex is called ... Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too Long. When you pass each other in the hallway you Both say ... 'Fuck You.'
The 5th kind of sex is called ... Religious Sex. Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the Afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)
The 6th kind is called ... Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife/husband any more. She/he Takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.
And . Last ... But not least ...
The 7th kind of sex is called ... Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.
So, in the midst of my headache from lack of sleep last night, I can breathe a sigh of relief, things came to be, things fell in order, life is again right & on the good path, thank goodness...ouch, friggin' headache!!
