So, it's been 5 years since I joined this group of people called the SCA. What started out as a little hobby for me and was fun some weekends has turned into somewhat of a huge obsession. The SCA (Society for Creative Anachronism) When I joined 5 years ago I was super pumped on starting heavy fighting, you know getting in full armor and going into a field with truckers and beating the crap out of each other in a safe environment, my plans however got derailed by a previous fracture in my spine that hadn't healed properly yet. Well Now it's healed and I have the okay to get in armor and fight!!!! I'm so FREAKING STOKED ABOUT THIS. I will be the youngest female fighter in the adult category. A trade I picked up over the years with the SCA because I couldn't fight was leather working, I'm a great detail artist when it comes to leather working but when it comes to construction of projects I still have a lot to learn and look up to the other merchants. The SCA is a family to me, every time I start to slip out of the SCA I feel pretty alone and it stinks, but when I'm very active my quality of life improves immensely. They make me feel apart of something and that to me is everything.
Oh my gosh! How time freaking flys bye. So I'm completely done High School, finally, squee. I moved back to my hometown for a while just to wait till I got possession of a place near the University I'm going to be attending in the fall. I moved in a week ago to this really cute house, it's awesome, but fuck it has a shit ton of cleaning that needed to be done. A few days after I moved in a got most the cleaning done, my best friend "Zombi" moved in and gosh I love having him around. I'm learning that I fit the female 1950's women should stay in the kitchen stereo type, mostly because I can't do much outside due to my allergies to god knows what. I'm an excellent cook, and he's lucky to have me. This morning I made Belgian waffles and cinnamon buns all home made just for breakfast. I have a few loaves of bread and a ton of buns I made to last us for a while. Gosh I cannot thank my grandma enough for teaching me how to make bread and stuff like that lol it's sure good. and no fuckin preservatives. Mood: Tired but amazingly happy Music: nothing! For once.
I snapped. Lost it. I'm living day by day, hour by hour. I can't think about the future anymore. I keep thinking of my auditions, of my family, of what life will be like in just a few months.
I said goodbye to my dad, I told him we shouldn't talk anymore. Because I know when it comes time for me to marry, I want him to walk me down the isle but that would break my mothers heart. So I said goodbye because she wanted me too. Is it wrong? My 2011 Dream is turning out to be my 2011 nightmare. My depression is so bad now that I can't make it through the days, I used to be the best soprano in my choir, my vibrato is envied and the projection of my voice is well was amazing. You could hear me, great tone and pitch, over 8 other soprano girls, to be truthful I don't even sing soprano, I'm a alto/tenor. But I can't sing anymore, it hurts, I'll be so happy before class, then I'll get there and instantly I'll want to cry. Today I did cry, my teacher has been trying to help me get through this because its too close to the end of the year to drop the class but it just hurts to bring up all these things, I hate being forced to sing in order to pass the class.
In 5 years time when I'm graduated from university, I will be joining the army, I will be giving my life up for something that will at least be worth while.
I'm no longer a leather worker, I've packed my tools. I'm no longer a painter, my paints have dried and brushes gone.
I've managed to do what other kids dream of doing, In a year and a half I've managed to get into University on an instrument that takes other kids 6 years to do. And I might not even be going, I might turn it down in the end. I wish, I wish for happiness, I wish for some hope, hope for a better day, hope to get my passion back. Mood: Alright. Music: Sam Tsui
Now it's healed and I have the okay to get in armor and fight!!!! I'm so FREAKING STOKED ABOUT THIS. I will be the youngest female fighter in the adult category. 
