Ok so my life is not perfect and it’s defiantly not glamorous or fancy. My life…I would say it’s kind of stressful and depressing not like beat me down kind of crap, It’s all in the mind. I’m unhappy and I’m selfish right now well at least I think I AM selfish. I want better people and things in my life. My family I love them with all my heart I don’t want them to ever leave my life even if we do fight more than we get along…They’re the only people I really know in this world. I know some great people here in Owensboro though they’re not always true to their word…we are friends but to be honest I don’t know them as well as I thought I did. They say they’re there for me whenever I need them but they’re not really always there…thank god I’ve never held my breath for some of them or I would be dead by now. Few of them are there for me always even if they can’t come over they will talk me through it over the phone or webcam. All I want is respect and honesty from them. I had one real true friend and he’s not in my life anymore…long story. I miss him a lot and I wish he was still here cause I really do love this dude…he is gay people so don’t get dramatic. We got in a huge fight and it was a big misunderstanding. I’ve come to realize and accept that he will never come back or forgive me, it kills me but I accept it. He’s my best friend and always will be...he’s my number one. Lame I know. He might not be in my life anymore but I told him that he would always be my best friend even if we got in a really big fight…I wouldn’t replace him. I know he hates me and that he will never want to talk to me again, but I just wanted to make that clear to everyone. God I must be a dumbass for hanging around this dbag…two years people that’s way too long to deal with a complete asshole. He never treated me right, He always called me a whore, bitch, bastard, or he would just say my breasts were the only things I got going for me, oh and he always called me a lesbian …What the fuck right? That’s not a friend that’s a hater, an unhappy fellow, or an abuser to himself and others. He hates on everything I do…I get no support nor any respect from him. Ever since I met him he’s been a complete jerk. He says he loves me or cares about me pssh what the fuck ever. He’s not worth my time what so ever. He’s the real big reason why I’m such a bitch. It hurts me a lot that this is what I have in my life. I’ve cried for 3 days straight over everything that has been going on for the past year. It’s hard to trust people now it really is. You never know when they will leave you, stab you in back, and lie to your face, and so on. Everyone has been where I’m at…I’m positively sure you have. How do you handle it? How does it make you feel do this day? I just feel anger towards jay and other people that have been close to me that have stabbed me in the back. I have trust issues thanks to the past friends and some friends today. It sucks to feel like this. I don’t want people to feel sorry for me because let’s just be honest here things could be a lot worse. I just need to figure things out with everyone and maybe possibly drop people who are not all that great to me. DUH! Of course I do miss the old days but what can I say people have to grow up. Partying all the time sounds awesome but I can’t do it every day all day anymore. It takes over your life if you let it. I do not hate on it I just have more important things to do. Am I wrong? Do I sound like a total bitch right now? Well I don’t care right now. I’m ready for change in my life! It needs to happen now!
