"I do one thing, I do it well - It takes up most of my time..."
February 08, 2012, 12:04:pm
Yeah, I drink. More than usual nowadays'. A personalized medicinal supplement to tighten the grip on sanity and give patience more room to breathe. I think it's the same for a lot of people on here. (You probably know who you are.) It's not that I WANT to do it. It's just nice to take the edge off when optimism conforms to anxiety. It's only been recently that I've really started using it as a stress-reliever. Suddenly a couple bucks for a tallboy becomes realistic and is suddenly recognized as a pick-me-up to help combat the goings on. It's always been in my nature to do things like that. Particularly when any mental malefactors grow too overtaking to simply... 'go for a walk', or something like that. I'll admit, although I try not to take to excess, I've been doing the self-medication thing quite a bit. In the midst of current vexations, yesteryear's self-destructive lifestyle and repercussions have really hit me. Or I should say... they've finally caught up. It dawned on me a few days ago how much I spent in my lifestyle back then long before I had those things. I dunno' though... you get what you pay for. You can't learn from your mistakes until you fuck up I guess. It's funny how that two years later I finally get to see what I lost. What I really bitch about is not being able to find work. Honestly, I wouldn't give a DAMN about any of this if I was putting my back into something and making a significant source of income. Despite how much easier it would be to revert to a self-destructive lifestyle I know I wouldn't want to do it. To me, remaining occupied and feeling a sense of moving forward is all I need to harness and sustain optimism. Problem is, as I always regret to tell people, there's nothing I can do about all that right now. I don't know how many of you believe in God... or miracles for that matter. In a rut like this though I'm really hoping someone out there will kick open a door for me. I'm not getting much done by myself. Oh well... perseverance is one of my better qualities, despite griping about my shyte when I've got nothing else to do. lol In the meantime, I just do what I can. It isn't much but it's better than just sitting around pretending like I'm not losing my mind. Cheers guys! Hope everyone's getting somewhere in their lives. Mood: Sober (LOL) Music: DOWN
I love my shnoogz. I mean... fuckin' A... who cares what anyone else thinks. This girl is beyond what I could expect to find. They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder... well, I'm beholdin'. Perhaps some things really DO happen for a reason. It's funny how shyte works out. Somehow I feel like things are going to get better. I haven't quite felt an inspiration this embracing before. It's hard at times... but I'm confident they payoff will make up for it at the end of it all.
Cheers guys! Hope everyone's getting somewhere in their lives. 
