My name is Derek and I’ve existed 26 years on this planet we call earth.
That either makes me old, or young depending on how you view it.
I also go by beograve and own the name on by many sites, VF, Myspace, Trig, etc, etc.
I’m not new to Gonegothic and have had several accounts, but I decided I wanted to own the name beograve once again on everything and I get bored as well, also I enjoy talking to people.
I am shy a bit at first.
I have an amazing daughter born June 25th, 2010 and on that day my life changed forever.
Her name is Myla Raylihn Thompson.
She’s isn’t named after anyone, her name came from a collaboration of myself and her mother.
I’ve never know the feelings of love that could exist that my daughter gives me and I thank God everyday for her.
I was married at one time, but I’m divorced now.
The woman I married and the truly amazing woman who graced me by creating my daughter are not the same and I also thank God for this.
My life changed and has never been the same since February of 2009.
I suffer from depression, BPD, PTSD, Suicidal Tendencies and from what I learned as of recently what I believed to be OCD is actually classified impulsitivity that falls into my BPD traits.
My life has suffered from these things on many levels and I have lost many a good relationships, friendships and family because of this.
I’m not proud, nor scared to admit it, but I have made attempts to end my existence.
Hopefully there one day comes a cure for all my mental illnesses, but for now intensive therapy, medication are the only means of fixing it, many years at that.
A month of my life has been spent in mental hospital and no, I wouldn’t recommend it.
I‘m in the process of pulling my life back together, to get back to work and get back on to my feet..
I do believe in God, or a greater force that controls this cosmos.
I don’t do drugs other then the ones prescribed by my doctor and the occasional drink of alcohol.
I don’t conform to any image, genre, or any other classification people label themselves these days. Drawing, Painting, Photography, Poetry and Music are a addictions for me.
I tend to be completely random and goofy most of the time.
My obsessions are Hayley Williams, Rihanna and robots, or anything of a mechanical nature.
I had 8 piercing‘s at one time, now I only have 4, but plan on getting more.
I love body art and tattoo’s, as well as longing for my own ink.
Talk to me if you wish.
Dreaming someday soon, I will…
Finally own a pair snakebite piercing’s and possibly a nose ring.
Have my mental illnesses ceased to exist in my mind.
Hopefully make amends with all those I have lost, or pushed away.
See my little girl again, get to watch her grow up and live in her world.
Have her name forever inked into my skin.
Be a voice actor.
Live on my own.
Maybe get married again, but honestly I‘d prefer not too.
Likes
Women, sex, grammar, or at least the attempt at it, profanity in the comical sense, pissing people off by being me and doing what I do, not caring about bull shit, caring about the things and ones that really matter in life, God, Jesus, Angels, or whatever greater force that controls this universe, trying to be a good man and succeeding, being a dad, buying things for my daughter, compliments about my daughter, the truth, respect, loyalty, knowledge, science, going for random drives, being optimistic, being real, true love, being a respectful pervert, motorboating, affection, booze, moshing, air guitar, singing in the shower, or anywhere else, technology, spell check, copy and pasting on the computer, learning how things work mechanically speaking, simplicity and complexity in all their forms, positivity, reading about mythology and reading in general, sleep, being a goofball, doing all my own stunts, quoting movies, my cat Marta and my fish Skiba, loud music, shopping, being online, animals, photography, music, games, movies, art, last, but not least...
My Amazing Daughter Myla!
Dislikes
Liars, cheaters, hardcore drug addicts, animals abusers, women abusers, basically anyone that harms people or other beings, combing my hair, underage girls thinking I want to be, or will be their boyfriend, long distance relationships, miss communication, not knowing how to do HTML codes and background stuff to well, awkward silence, people that ask me what I'm drawing/painting, depression, letting down the ones I care about, hurting people's feelings, trolls, or trollers I guess I should say, bullies, the unknown, depressing and unpleasant news, people that tell me what to do, or what I will do, being abandoned, pessimist, ICP, The Juggalo culture and movement, pessimism, negativity, hypocrites, grammar Nazi's, people who think their better then anyone else and people who judge people by their looks, or what others say.
Favorite Music
I listen to anything and everything, I don't stay grounded to one genre of music. I am however, quite partial to southern rock and rock music in general. I love metal as well. This is an old list, but I will probably updated it.
Alice In Chains AC/DC A Dozen Furies A Life Once Lost A Perfect Circle All That Remains As I Lay Dying Amon Amarth Areosmith Audioslave Atreyu Agnostic Front Avenged Sevenfold AFI Alkaline Trio Anthrax Black Sabbath Black Label Society Black Flag Bleeding Through Blood Has Been Shed Bullet For My Valentine Between The Buried And Me Breaking Benjamin Blindside Blue October Converge Chevelle Chimaira Creme Cradle Of Filth Children Of Bodom Clutch Damage Plan Devildriver Demon Hunter Dragonforce Dimmu Borgir Deftones Death Cab For Cutie Depeche Mode Eighteen Visions Every Time I Die Fu Manchu God Forbid Gwar Gym Class Heroes Green Day Hatebreed HIM Himsa Helmet Haste The Day In Flames In This Moment Iron Maiden Incubus It Dies Today Inxs Judas Priest Jet Korn Kiss Killswitch Engauge Kingdom Of Sorrows Lamb Of God Led Zepplin Linkin Park Lacuna Coil Lynyrd Skynyrd Mastodon Machine Head Mars Volta Modest Mouse My Chemical Romance Misfits Minor Threat Muse Motley Crue Marilyn Manson Most Precious Blood Mudvayne Mushroom Head Metallica Nine Inch Nails Nirvana Norma Jean Nora Necro Ozzy Osbourne Pantera Pink Floyd Probot Queen Queens Of The Stone Age Rob Zombie Roses Are Red Rammenstein Rage Against The Machine Rise Against Slayer Slipknot Shadows Fall Skin Puppy Scars Of Tomorrow Sick Of It All Static-X Seemless Seether Saosin Shinedown Sex Pistols Shiny Toy Guns Say Anything She Wants Revenge Senses Fail Stone Sour Still Remains Scarlet System Of A Down Throwdown Tool Trivium Terror Taking Back Sunday Thirty Six Crazy Fist The Black Dahlia Murder The Dillinger Escape Plan The Red Chord The Killers The Beatles The Ramones The Clash The Rolling Stones Three Inches Of Blood The Cure Unearth U2 Underoath Velvet Revolver White Zombie
I really appreciate you taking the time to read it; it's not too often I can find an unbiased person willing to listen to my ramblings, haha. I'm glad that you enjoyed it, especially since my most recent one you liked the most, because hopefully im improving lol. The 2nd one is definitely from a dark time in my life and is probably one of the most twised ones Ive ever written. I can't relate to it as much anymore because even if I am feeling suicidial, I'm rather apathetic about it all, those bouts of emotion don't come onto me as much. Unfortunately that seems to have slowed my creative process. The first one I had to write for my english class, and it's probably my least favorite except I just love the effin words! I don't know why lol. Sometimes I come across a word and it just seems like poetry in it's own right.
Once again, thanks for taking the time to read them and give me some good feedback on each! Means a lot. And yea...I definitely am not the type of person to judge anyone because all too often I've been on the recieving end as far as judgement goes. >_< People are mean sometimes haha. Sometimes I just feel so insane, you know? like why am i here? what is the point? but I guess everyone just has to take things day by day. And it's not awkward at all, friends it is!
there are days i would love to just stay in bed all day but i make my self get up. there has been days that the headache was so bad that i went to the er or just stole some of my dad's pain pills
^_^ awesome...I usually don't share my work, mostly because my friends read a little too much in what I write. But please, tell me what you think! And judge my poems as much as you want, but please don't let them effect how you judge me. Thank youuuu!
Okay, here's the most recent one I've written: I finally found my voice, but forgot how to speak Been quiet for so long, my tongue is too weak I’m fighting against this silence that has lasted so long This silence taunts my mind with why things went all wrong. And yet the taste is so bitter when I spit out that story Of how I had to cover for lies that you left in your glory. Now after all this time of deceit and disguise, It’s hard to get my mouth to stop speaking lies. But I’ll get my revenge before it’s all said and done And I’ll sing the eerie tune that you've left to be sung
And here's another one:
Want to play a game? It’s a game involving knives, And if you can win, I promise you a prize. It’s really rather simple, the game I have in mind, All you have to do is find out what’s inside This withered, broken body – explore it with the blade And tell me what you find, and the mistakes I have made. As the guilt flows with the blood and forms a putrid hate Do you see a souless body? A willing death of fate? Can you feel the heartbeat stopping, savoring the grace Of the moment it stops relenting to preserve a hopeless case? Do you hear the hurt this mind endures, both imagined and real? And listen to the betrayal that turned this heart to steel? You smile in the mirror as you look at scars inflicted, And burst into laughter at the suicide committed.
Okay, one more haha. This one is a free-verse. I like words a lot, so this one was just me playing around with diction.
I am from the austere principles of my father, From "tough love" swirled with maternal assuage. A result of a discordant foundation Haphazardly topped with Saving Grace.
I am from the inane and jovial sentiments of youthful companionship, From the nostalgic memories that bring repose to the unstable mind; To poignant and tearful conversations of the abtruse, And mutual vows of "I'll get you through this."
I am from the cacophonous melodies that I frequently listen to, To overpower any acrimonious occurence. A paradoxical cadence (<--oh look, my name. hah), in which through harsh sounds, Healing takes place.
I am from an adventurer's volatile soul, In thirst of new surroundings and audacity to quell intruding monotony. A cleverly hidden rebellious disposition, Waiting for a chance to prove itself.
I am from fairy tales and fatuous beliefs, A tricking, deceiving thing encased in the most alluring package. The search for that which human nature forces us to pursure To escape the crushing fear of solitude.
I am from confusion between reality and the unattainable, A histrionic endeavor of idyllic philosophy, Flirting precariously with nihilism. An insuperable contradiction.
I am from the esoteric secrets of the seasons' passing, A constant transmutation of life and death Involving a capricious cycle that consumes us all, As crib becomes sepulcher, and coffin engenders new birth.
Sorry it's so long. Anywho, pardon me, but I creeped on your profile as well. It seems you're overcoming some mental obstacles? If you ever need someone to talk to, or if you ever want to share your story with me, feel free. Myself, I've been in therapy for a few years now, I think I started in 2008. I have major depressive disorder and social anxiety disorder, both of these kind of replaced anorexia nervosa (which I can gladly say is a mental illness that I have overcome). Excuse me if im pressing the boundaries here, I don't mind if you don't want to talk, but, I would at least like to offer encouragement and let you know I'm right there with you.
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