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artemis1560
'Common sense is not so common.'
-Voltaire [View Updates]
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Latest Journal Entry: I don't really know what's going on here February 04, 2012, 03:55pm
Profile: childhood years blissfully skipping through fields of flowers, singing tralalalala. As I grew older, however, a cloud of worry began to form at the back of my mind as the truth became inescapably clear. I was not a burly hermaphrodite with muscles the size of small elephants, I was not a slime monster from outer space, I had never been brutally abused or disfigured with acid, and horror of horrors: I had a girly voice! In fact, bar an unhealthy obsession with soap, there was nothing at all the matter with me. I was going to have to make my own way in the world, with nothing but hard work and my snarky wit.  In a convenient montage with inspirational music, I trained for many years to become worthy of joining Sota and Sofi�s Amazon band. It was a utopian existence. We spent our days playing with shiny weapons and torturing men until they resembled raspberry porridge.  It was not to last, however. One morning, while out in the rainforest hunting faggots with my spear, I met a beautiful elf-child who captivated me and made my heart sing. Literally. It was a bit creepy actually, because obviously you can�t see my heart, so it looked like my boob was singing. The buxom midget said her name was Sarah, and I knew immediately that I would love her for the rest of my days.  Together, we travelled to Turkey and set up a child prostitution business, with my own Sarahbait as top ho and sexy breadwinner extraordinaire, and in time, our enterprise became so successful that I decided to use my Amazon training to form an army for protection against jealous competitors. As El Presidente Head Honcho Pervmeister Generalissimo, I ruled with a rubber fist, Sarahbait at my side. Once again, I thought I had found my place in the world, and nothing could destroy our happiness. Oh, how wrong I was . . . That life ended forever when the notorious gayist, June, tricked me into marrying his ex, a learning-disabled baboon, named David. Kept locked in the ape�s caravan, I cursed cruel fate and fattened myself up on Jaffa Cakes. I did it out of spite, but when I had reached the size of a large elephant, a brilliant idea occurred to me, like a meteor hitting me full in the face: I would become a famous sideshow freak!   It was revolutionary. My life had purpose once more. But yet again, my dreams came crashing down around me like a grand piano dropped from the thirteenth floor. When I tried to run away (or more accurately, waddle away) to join the circus, my simian spouse crippled both my legs and my hopes in a single shotgun blast. Whether out of pity or a keen nose for profit, I may never know, but after I recovered from my gaping, pus-filled wounds, David decided to support my career as a carnie, and set up a freak show out of our caravan. So far, this venture has been quite a success, and though I still pine for my Sarahbait, perhaps there are brighter days ahead . . . I am currently attempting to grow a beard to give my sideshow act a little something extra.  Likes: Dislikes: Favorite Music:
Link 1: http://gunhilde.tumblr.com/
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