I have all the characteristics of a human being: blood, flesh, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust. Something horrible is happening inside of me and I don't know why. My nightly bloodlust has overflown into my days. I feel lethal, on the verge of frenzy. I think my mask of sanity is about to slip. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there.

There are no more barriers to cross. All I have in common with the uncontrollable and the insane, the vicious and the evil, all the mayhem I have caused and my utter indifference toward it I have now surpassed. My pain is constant and sharp and I do not hope for a better world for anyone, in fact I want my pain to be inflicted on others. I want no one to escape, but even after admitting this there is no catharsis, my punishment continues to elude me and I gain no deeper knowledge of myself; no new knowledge can be extracted from my telling. This confession has meant nothing.



Height: This tall *points*

Weight: 12 tons fully dressed; 98lbs in a towel

Last book written: The Kama Sutra II

Favorite color: Urine

On a date I like to: not go

Favorite celebrity: Myself, fanatic

Ambitions or Goals: To wake up tomorrow

Accomplishments: There is nothing to be proud of.

Quote: "Those who trumpet their sufferings are usually most deserving of agony"




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Backwards Masking, Zombies, Hulking war machines, lurking, public urinals, flesh sculpture, bandying about my flaccid poop-root, collecting colons of the damned.

I have some undying hope in the back of my head that one day I'll be happier than I am now and that life will somehow become like some fabulous after school special on TV, where everything is sanitary and perfect. Maybe it's a pipedream, but it keeps me going even though lately its been what's wearing me down. I think that everyone wants to better themselves and have a healthier, happier, more productive life. Maybe it's just human nature to never be satifsfied and want more.

Believe it or not I do have a lot of faith in humanity. You gotta be impressed with any kind of organism that can evolve from hairy tree dwellers that threw their own feces to creatures who can harness the power of the atom and destroy an entire planet in the blink of an eye. Now thats progress!

"With our potential we could toe the line, and show the bastards up."

The fact is there are probably a billion places just like Earth out there, and probably a billion shut ins, just like me, who look like me and talk like me but never will be just quite like me. Hello out there! Got any good fucked up alien porn? Send it over!

Peace, families, unsullied pantaloons, law enforcement personnel, a certain couch that molest's my girlfriend


They say we are sentient beings aware of our own existence, but last time I was in a mall and looked around I honestly wondered if some of these people knew they were alive.

Walking past the people of all shapes and colors, I could see speech bubbles over their heads with one of a few possible things on their minds. Sex, food, sleep, pissing, shitting and the acquiring of material possessions. We just want to feel good, right now.

I want to feel good. Right now.

I want to feel... amouzing

Fuck, sometimes I even wonder if I'm really alive and not some AI lab experiment by some pot smoking MIT students in the year 3075. Some kind of sentient practical joke. More often than not I feel like I'm living in some dysfunctional rerun of a really low budget reality show filled with every cliche in the book.

I don't even know what I want anymore. As soon as I get things I have strived for that I think will make me happy, there is always something that fucks it up.

A never ending series of problems and pitfalls. As soon as one thing is solved, another bigger dilemma arises. There is no end. This is no beginning. There is no feeling in-between.

There is no faith.

There is nothing substantial to believe in whatsoever.

There is no all powerful being.

This is no caring goverment.

There is no philosophical wisdom to keep my attention more than 15 minutes.

There is no light at the end of the tunnel.

There is no hope.

There is no savior.

The only thing I truly feel I have to look forward to is the next cheap distraction.

Boredom has settled in, and it runs deep in our society.

There are no values. No morals. No rules of humanity. It's all broken and stepped on.

The everyday drone has reached a plunging fast systematic decline.

We are in a violent spin cycle that is leading into our own black hole filled with blood, shit and paste. The gears of the earths machine is nearing its final phase.

We are destroying ourselves rapidly.

Humanity will start from scratch. When we invented the wheel it fell right on our convoluted heads.

It is our nature to destroy the things around us.

YOU MAY TALK ABOUT PERFECTION AND UTOPIA, BUT IF YOU EVER FOUND IT YOU WOULD SPEND YOUR BRAINWAVES WONDERING WHAT THE PROBLEM IS.