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Paul_in_Wonderland
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Latest Journal Entry: Wake up people! November 06, 2008, 06:47pm
Profile: Hello you all my name is Paul, Tetragramaton be with you! I live in the Netherlands where i am working on my Art&Gold smith company. If you're looking at my photo's you might be wondering what kind of heritage i have, well, i'm a cross breed of several Asian and European races. Though i am primarily dutch i do have parts of Indonesian, Chinese, Russian, German and Belgium blood. I was brought up as an atheist and intellectual, but have learned to be more relaxed in life, and stopped dwelling on details and self-deflective reasoning. I started to use my intuition and visual capacities to understand how everything works, and more importantly that everything still works even if reasoning is absent. Here's my website with some of my idea's and a few pictures of things i've designed: www.symbolics.nl Unfortunately it is still mostly in dutch! Besides that the whole site needs to be remade. It can be worth your time to read my theory pages: Symbolics.nl Theory Page Now for the personal detail: Eventhough it's not as bad as it used people will often perceive me to be a real odd person. I do not feel very welcome in places with lots of people. I guess that's mostly because i used to be right out scolded by big groups of people since i was 8 which reached its height at 11-13. After that it changed when i went to a different kind of school. The entire experience gave me a strong fear of being rejected by crowds of people and a hatred towards crowd mentality; to see people loose their individuality in a group. It's often a superficial and relentless attitude. It makes me feel uncomfortable. I'm very lucky to have a couple of very good friends who know me inside and out, that share my hobbies and interests. I love hanging around with them and do fun things like going to the movie theater or playing games or going out. I love to dance when the opportunity presents itself. I don't go out that often because it is very exhausting for me. I often wonder if i will be able to grow above my condition and go out more often. I really need people around me, eventhough it is tough. If i'm at a Gothic party, you will most likely find me dancing wildly and ecstatically on the dancefloor, i'm not much for holding back but i try not to overdo it, i try... I'm not much of a talker unless it's a 1 on 1 conversation. When i'm with my friends i find it hard to say things that would matter in the conversation, but i manage to squeeze in a few remarks. Then again, if people cross the subjects that i'm specialized in, it usually means trouble. Once that happens i take over the entire conversation and well to put it blunt start lecturing them. Luckily i have enough insights to not be annoying or insulting to them and people often listen to what i have to say. But it's so hard to stop talking once it has begun. There is so much to say! Often the only way to quit is to say "enough! Lets do something else" make a clean break and walk away, otherwise i keep on talking until i'm drained and dizzy, it can take hours before that happens. The subjects usually include social behavior, Nature, Psychology, paranormal phenomena, energy, magic, astronomy, and related subjects, so be warned! A few years ago i studied or rather was fixated on what i thought to be the most fascinating things i have come across and sought the ultimate answers to big questions, and i have come across most interesting conclusions that i have been attempting to shape into solid theories (scientifically they are only hypothesis) They are constantly developing and new theory's come to fit between the elder ones. The fundamentals are mostly written down on pages in the Theory section of my Symbolics.nl site, but there is so much that most of it is simply in my head...   Personally i think The Matrix 2: Reloaded, and 3: Revolutions, are HIGHLY underrated! The only thing is these movies should be seen without any interrupt. Together they are 1 epic movie! I have had dreams about many details in this movie, such strong dreams that they echo into my mind until this day. For me this movie is a spiritual symbolic guide and inspiration for my path as the Awakener. "If you want to know the future, you have to understand the choices that you have already made".
Likes: Feeling like i exist, recognition, beautiful things, good conversations, mentally hyperactive people, nice cuddly women, role playing, good Melodic Metal, some Gothic music and the most sophisticated, melodic Psychedelic Trance music and the pinnacle of the old Jungle music, dancing on industrial music at parties, things i want to do or know that i don't even know about yet, people who know the value of wisdom (they are rare), interesting paranormal encounters, forests, good art, DnD, Women who play table top DnD and look good as well (i know some, muahahah), powerful melodic music, ow yes and long hours of sex with women i am in love, doing new things that i fear, stop doing old things i refused to let go, being able to change, growing in wisdom, walking around in forests and parks in brought daylight enjoying the plants and sunlight and absence of people, forfilling lifelong dreams, when patience finally pays off. Long and peaceful calmth... Dislikes: Fish, people that ignore me, my own introverted tendency's, my lack of ability to socialize in large groups of people, breaking up with someone i really love. Most importantly, the ones who deserve all the hatred of this world; The relented obsessed ambitious and the horrors they've created in this world: 1 Unlimited greed which i closely tie to people who waste their money while other people work themselves cripple just to survive, 2 People that believe we need to destroy ourselves and each other in order to survive (the modern economy), 3 People that hide behind their appearance instead of integrating with it, people that are religious (of any kind) that use their religion to stop thinking and observing what is true -> this also counts for people that keep using drugs, become junkies and loose their personality, 4 Mainstream fashion and the sick hearted, slave minded and fundamentally diluted people that actually think they are cool because they are wearing it, 5 People who believe they don't need to or can't take action against the slow self destruction of this world and their cowardes and ignorant ways of deflecting their focus towards trivial interests. Take the pain and wake up!
Favorite Music: There is one particular CD that i listen to all the time while i drive my car:Digicult: Avenida Du Belgica I actually bought CD's from the following bands: Apocalyptica: Metallica cover Children of Bodom: Hatebreeder, Follow the Reaper Cradle of Filth: Vempire or Dark Faerytales in Phallustein, Cruelty and the Beast Delain: Lucidity Dimmu Borgir: Spiritual Black Dimension, Puritanical Euphoric Mysantropia, Death Cult Armageddon, In Sorte Diaboli Dragonforce: Sonic Firestorn Estampie: Sigmun Kamelot: Black Halo Nightwish: OceanBorn, Wishmaster, Century Child The Sins of Thy Beloved: Lake of Sorrow, Perpetual Desolation Scarve: Luminiferous, Irradiant Theatre of Tragedy: Aegis Tristania: Widow's Weeds, World of Glass ,Beyond The Veil Type O Negative: Bloody Kisses, October Rust, World Coming Down, Life is Killing Me Within Temptation: Mother Earth, The Silent Force I still have some CD's from my good old days too. I've added some personal history to them as they are like the landmarks of my personal development: -Kate Bush: Hounds of Love, The Ninth Wave (my 2 year love actually bought me the cd, but i listened the records from my mother between 3 and 7 years old) -The Police: Outlandos d'Amour, Zenyatta Mondatta, Ghost in the Machine (also later bought, but listened to it through my mothers records between 6 and 12) -Nirvana: Nevermind (ok, teenage period starting at 11, i got the cd later started on cassette :p) -Progidy: Experience, Music for the Gilted Generation, Fat of the Land (During my Great days of creativity from 13 to 16) -Korn: Follow the Leader (my first signs recognition of personal suffering and a symbol of my rebelion at 17) -Madonna: Ray of Light (had my first girlfriend at 18 and became obsessed pleasing them thus exploring femininity) -Bjork: Homogenic (During the period where i first started to break loose of the chains of materialistic logic at 18) -The Cardigans: Emmerdale ,Life ,First Band on the Moon ,Gran Turismo (during my first great love of 2 years from 19-21) Of course i didn't just only listened to the newest cd's during those periods. I still listen to the Kate Bush CD even now since it is an unequaled magnificent piece of art! Right after that i descended straight into the obscurity of the Gothic darkness! To be honoust it was mostly because the girlfriend i was with at the time and that i wanted to marry after our 2 year relationship broke up with me I remember that time clearly as it was only a few days after 9-11 Then again since that time i have changed a lot and now draw back to the styles i previously listened to. These days i hardly listen to black metal anymore. I listen to Psy-Trance a lot from Digicult, and the Jungle from an old CD from '95. Ow and the Dutch metal band X-Tinxion, i love them, and especially their gruntster Monica. The following videos are of great significance, and i urge all who can find the time to watch them and take them to hart! İstanbul Kumburgaz 2008 Kısa Kayıt from fox mulder on Vimeo. Homepage: http://www.symbolics.nl Link 1: http://xml.nfowars.net/Alex.rss Link 2: http://www.niburu.nl Link 3: http://www.drclarkbooks.com/
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