|
|
Krtas
Profile: The Krtas (Krtkus Slavicus, Krtas Slovensky), also known in some parts of the world as the Whorewolf is (or likes to think he is) a very rare species. He is on the endangered species list, as the only living specimen is known at the moment. The Krtas is easily recognizable, he`s known to be of shorter stature,wears black clothes,has curly long hair and two eyes, each having a different and changing color. The (above)average Krtas is known to be male, 22 years old and living around the urban area of a little spot on the map known as Bratislava, Slovakia (see a map of Europe for further reference) The Krtas is known to pose minimal physical threat to humans unless endangered, drunk or extremely bored. The danger it poses to itself or the possible MENTAL damage from associating with Krtas are abysmal as the Krtas is often a victim of own insanity (read:stupidity). The Krtas has quite a sophisticated defense, in case of a threat (or boredom) it shoots arrows from his bow, wields swords, rapiers, axes and similar blunt and blade weapon, also muskettes with extreme precision. During the day the Krtas sleeps. During the night too. It`s just the location that changes, during the day he sleeps at work(Dell), during the night at some random place. The Krtas is a social creature that utilizes communication in english and german languages to communicate with creatures known as Vampirefreaks (Friendicus Amazingus)and Customers (Arseholeus Germanus). As a different means of communication the Krtas uses an instrument known as a bass guitar to interpret his thoughts. Sparking interest in Krtas is an easy task actually, as he reacts positively to a lots of thing, most of them even contradictory to the others. These range from good books, heavy storms, candlelight, winter evenings (when the sky is light brown as the streetlights reflect in the sky and when the snow starts to fall on the serene world), silence, romantic moments, long hugs and gentle kisses to chaos, destruction, madness and racket, headbanging, fighting battles, burning something down or hacking it to pieces, rocking on stage and throwing loud parties where there is no chance for anyone to stay sober/standing and so much much much much more (The author of this short guide apologizes for not writing the complete list, but feels like he can`t be arsed to type something that long. In case of ane queries inquire via a short message directly by the author. Thank you for your time.) There are not that many things that the Krtas dislikes as for the most the Krtas doesn`t give a crap (live and let live). The major exception is known as the "corporate culture", the natural habitat of two major enemies of Krtas. These are known as Customers (Arseholeus Germanus) and Managers (Moronus Hesgottabefuckingkiddingmeus). For further reference on Krtas`s dislikes, contact the Author as mentioned above. DO: If you see a Krtas, behave naturally. The Krtas is mostly harmless. If you see that the Krtas has a bottle of booze or a lighter in his hand, run like hell because that smells like trouble. If you see a Krtas, half naked, half drunk driving a lawnmower to a nearest liquor store, don`t be afraid. That`s natural behavior. If Krtas invites you to drink a few, get ready to damage your liver and have a night like never before. Do accept by all means. If things start to get awry simply slap the Krtas with a rolled newspaper a few times. If that doesn`t help, use an encyclopedia instead. DON`T: Don`t start trouble with anything that is close to the Krtas (friends, family). Bad idea. Don`t be shy to ask anything. Don`t be angry if the Krtas fails to respond in a reasonable time. This is due limited time and web access and is sadly considered natural behavior. DON`T by all means take Krtas too seriously. Click the following links for futher action: Contacting the author Snapshots of Krtas More to follow as soon as i figure out what to put here. Brought to you by the International Moron Control Association and Termination Likes: Dislikes: Favorite Music:
|
