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HopeHomicideTM
"The person i've been lately, ain't who I wanna be."
Status: Fixed [View Updates]
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Latest Journal Entry: Sooo uh, May 27, 2011, 08:19pm
Profile:   : Hope Owings  :  HopeHavocTM  : HopeHavocTM  I like;I dislike;drama; liars; wannabes; fakes; labelers; cheaters; douche bags; users; shit talkers; drama starters; immature people; people who copy me; people who do things for attention; & people who thrive to annoy me.   Facts About Me:
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 I'm not gunna say that i'm not like every other girl. Because that is for you to decide. However, i am different in many ways. I worry entirely too much. I'm always deep in thought. Thinking of how the world will change, &if it will be for the better or worse. I can't help but think what happens after i die; who will remember me for the good things i did, & not the many mistakes that i make daily. I'm not one to judge usually, i always give people the benefit of the doubt. Cos i know everyone makes mistakes, &everyone deserves a chance to redeem themselves. I'm very caring &it causes me a ton of trouble &heartache, &it's one of the many things that holds me back at times, but it's always worth it in the end. I don't listen to shit talkers, or rumors. They are useless to me &only cause trouble. I have a lot on my plate already &i try as hard as i can to balance it all out everyday, whether i fail, or succeed, i will always get back up &keep trying. I am very strong minded &persistent. I'd literally do anything for my loved ones. I live in a little red neck town in Texas; & I've moved around quite a bit the past couple of years. I'm going to be on my own pretty soon. I'm far from being "straight-edge". I spell like a damn Brit, don't like it? Oh fucking well. I curse quite often, &trust me i'm working on it, don't be offended if i curse when i talk to you. I'd never want to intentionally hurt anyone like that. I'm not sure where i'm going, or who i'm becoming, or what will happen next, but i'm trying to redeem myself from everything that i have done wrong in the past &present, &just try to be happy in life. I'm not perfect; &no one is. I've been learning to embrace my faults &imperfections &try to see them as one more thing that makes me unique &different from everyone else. I'm not fat, but in my eyes, i'd like to lose a few pounds. For me, not for anyone else. I'm not ugly either, i'm just not ridiculously gorgeous. In my opinion anyway. I had my septum pierced, definately getting it back. I miss it like crazy. I have angel bites &snake bites. I also have, my nose, industrial, &belly button pierced. Gunna get my dimples &then maybe my nipples pierced. I'm very argumentative about what I believe in. I support gays, lesbians, bisexuals, &transsexuals. 'Cos there's nothing wrong with loving someone of the same sex, or wanting to change your sex, because normal doesn't exist, &we can't pick &choose who we fall in love with, or who we're attracted to. Ohh &btw; DO NOT ASK ME TO SEE YOUR BABY PENIS!! Kaythanks. (;
Definition of LoveLove is a funny thing. You expect it to be easy. You expect it to be a world of roses &laughs &perfect moments that you find only in movies. You expect her to always say the right thing, &always know exactly how you feel, or exactly how to react to it. You expect her to calm you down when you're yelling or to chase you when you run away. You expect so much that you feel entirely, &utterly defeated when something doesn't exactly match up with all your plans. but that's the thing. Love isn't a plan. It doesn't have a certain beginning &it certainly has no end or visible finish line to those deeply in it. Love happens; it's so incredibly messy. People around you can't comprehend why you do the things you do, or why you fight so hard for something that seems to cause you so much pain, because simply, they can't see. They can't see the invisible ring of insanity that surrounds you when you're in love. It's inconvenient &painful, and devastating at times, but we can't live without it. What you don't learn is how hard love is. How much of ourselves we have to put into it. How it isn't worth it until we are complete &utter idiots about it. Love isn't her calming you down when you yell, it's her yelling, just as loud, just as hard, right back at you. Right in your face to wake you up &to keep you grounded. It isn't her or him bringing you roses everyday or cute thing that make your relationship appear more presentable. It's right after a fight, that drains the life &bones right out of both of you, &yet her or him showing up at your door the next morning, anyway. It's not her saying all the right things or knowing exactly how to handle you. So no, it's not her caressing you hair, &telling you that everything is going to be okay. It's her standing there, admitting that she's just as scared as you are. You have to remember, that with love, you're not the only one involved. You're unknowingly put your life, your heart into the palm of another persons hands and saying, 'Here, Do what you will. Mash it into a million pieces, mash it into meat. Or forget i ever gave it to you. Just as long as you have it, it makes reality invisible and it erases all the lines that we shouldn't cross.' Because love isn't about fencing ourselves in; feeling safe, feeling sure about the future. It's about scaring the shit out of every nerve in our body, but pushing forward anyway. Because all the fighting &all the tears &all the uncertainty is worth it. &it's a hell of a lot better, then being 100% happy without someone to show us that there is a world of a difference between feeling 'happy' &feeling whole. " - Andrew Landon.
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