My name is Tegan.
I search for only one thing in life.
And that is love.
I found my love. But I lost it.
Now I will learn from that. And learn to be strong.
Its time for me to move on.
Leo Buscaglia had once said,
" Love is life. And if you miss love, you miss life. "

Trust is something I do not give out.
You will never gain my trust.
But if you do, I will be your's forever more.

I fear many things most would not fear.
Some include: throwing up, ghosts, water, and aliens.
The fear that would crush my hopes and dreams,
is losing the man i love.

I am unique in my own special ways, as you are to your's.
I have a passion for Jaguars and Dragonflies.
They entrance me.

Seeing me blush is an exciting event as it does not happen often.
Only one man has made me blush out of love.

Robin Hood:Men In Tights.
This is what runs my life, along-side love.

I will never tolerate the words Naughty and Horny being spoken to me.

Write me a love ballad, and i will be eternally great full.


The giving of love is an education in itself.
- Eleanor Roosevelt.



To get to know me, you will need to know the following thing's:
I am a natural blonde. That is why my name is Blonde Chaos.
My mood changes rapidly. One minute i want to cuddle you, next minute i want to watch you bleed and i want to be the one to make you bleed.
I have been told that i am the sweetest and most caring person. But every girl has been told that. Truth is, i am a psycho hidden underneath innocent clothing.
I have an odd fascination with blood. I want to become a Pathologist.
I watch autopsy and anatomy shows for fun. I enjoy watching people being cut open and taken apart. It interests me.
I read quite alot. But i mainly read crime thriller books. Although they have to be the real gorey kind. If people arnt being decapitated, then i dont want to know about it.
I have a horrific temper. Don't piss me off.
I am far from flawless. I dont wake up in the morning looking like a rockstar. I look like a hobo instead. So if you ever meet me, you'll notice i am far more natural than you would have thought looking at my photos. I am tiny in all ways, with freckles all over my body. But i am still complimented daily so thats a bonus (Y)
I hate action movies. The "we will hijack your car and bomb your house only 5 minutes into the movie, while you spend the rest of the time chasing us around the world" type of movie.
I do my best cooking at midnight or later (though im no masterchef. Im still learning)
I do swear a lot. So get used to it.


Please do not ask me what it is like in Australia. I think that is what google is for. But I will tell you that we do ride kangaroos to school and walk through the desert [aka our backyard] to find our pet Koalas who have stolen our beer.
No not really ... No I do not have kangaroos or koalas in my area. And no I do not live in the desert. I live in Suburbia with possums and bush turkeys who like to wander through our schools and houses .. I had a friend possum once. His name was Barry. But I think he only liked me because half the time I would walk outside in nothing but a robe ...
I am honest. I do enjoy movies such as Twilight. I don't give a shit if they sparkle. I wouldn't give a shit if they actually shat out of their mouth. It's a good movie.


Random facts about Tegan:
I weigh 38 kilos. Which is like 80 Lbs or some crap. This is my natural weight. I don't encourage it. Anyone that knows me, knows I eat like a bitch and am constantly hungry. I try my hardest to put ON weight. Not take it off. I hate being this thin. A fast metabolism runs in my family, but I seem to have gotten the worst of it. I have never in my life weighed more than 45 kilos.
I eat quite a lot of toast. But I hate when the butter melts. I wait til the toast is cold then put the butter on.
I always feel sick. And most foods give me a shocking stomach ache. But I still eat them because im hungry.
I LOVE COFFEE.
Red Powerade is the ONLY one I drink. I call it my religion. I am known for it ... its a bit weird.
I am a guys girl. I dislike most women. I only get along with the girls in my group. I don't give a crap about many others.
I HATE the cold. Because I am so thin, I feel every bit of it, much more than others. So I freeze, even if people say it's a warm day. I think too much. And I always think the worst. My toe was numb today. So I thought my leg had to be cut off because the nerves were dying.
I cant sleep when it is dark unless I knock myself out with pills or have someone to cuddle and protect me.
I have always wanted an asian kid. [not racist] I absolutely adore them. They are the most adorable children.
And I whinge a lot.


I like everything but country and jazz.
My favourite genres are rock, classical, and dance.


I cant dance. I am the 'two left feet' kind. So please don't ever make me dance ..


Love is all that matters in this world. It is all we should ever have to live for. It is all we were made for. And it is all that will keep us alive.




You may not know me.
You may not understand me.
You may underestimate me.
But i know who i am. I know what my purpose in life is. I know why i am here. And i know why i live the life i do, after the pain and loss i have experienced.

I was sixteen, the day i met my soul mate.
We found each other because of fate.
Your soul mate does not appear if you search for them.
Fate will bring you together. No matter how bumpy the road is to get to that meeting. It will happen.
I lost him.
Yet i continue to live.
I have not broken. I rarely cry. I do not feel as much pain as you would expect i would.
Because his soul has replaced the part of mine that i lost when he died.
He stops me feeling the pain of this loss, because he is still with me.
He will always be with me.

I do not get to choose the life i live.
I do not get to put an end to the pain and loss.
This is my life. This is what i live. This is how i live.
I am strong. Stronger than many would ever have imagined i could be.
I survive by holding onto love.
My life was created, by love. My life continues to exist, because of love.
I have loved and lost more than anyone i have met.
But i still live, for the love i have left.

I have not moved on from him.
The day will come where i will.
But that time is not just yet.

GENNADI OREL.

I miss you.

You were the only one who understood me.
You were my best friend.
I love you so much, I miss you so much.
You saved me, and you fixed me.
Im sorry i could never save you.
I wish you were still here.
The word 'love' was never enough to describe our relationship.
But that word will always belong to you.
Why did you have to go ?
Our lives had only just begun.
I cant live mine without you.
I need you to breath.
I cant do this without you.
You will always remain in much more than my heart.
I love you so much and i miss you more than i could ever have imagined possible.
I will never say goodbye.
But i will say REST IN PEACE.

We were never able to stay apart.
We would try. My god we would try ..
But we couldn't resist each other.
We couldn't breath without sharing the same air.
Now that your gone, i can no longer breath.
I am lost. I am scared. And i miss you more than words could ever say.
Why did you have to go ? We made a promise to do this together.
You were suppose to wait for me.
Now im alone and living in a world without you.
A world i no longer know.
If death is the only way to be with you again, then so be it.
I miss you so much Gee. I love you darling. I hope you will always be with me. I know ill always be with you.


The creation of life was a dream of our's.
It was the one thing we wanted. The one experience we craved to share so much.
A family of our own. A family together.
We would name our little girl Ariel.
We would marry in Mount Penang Gardens, as you knew of all the dragonflies that flew there.
We would have a life together. A heart together.
We were one baby.
I may have lost you physically, but i will never lose your soul.
The part of me that disappeared when i lost you, has been replaced with yourself.
We are one.
Until the day i die, i will continue your life for you.
We will be together again. One day.









Gennadi Orel is my best friend. He is the love of my life. He is part of my soul. Part of my heart. Part of my mind.
He is my guardian angel. He is my savior. He is my Romeo.
Life changed for me the day I lost him. I cannot say it changed for the worst, but I cannot say it changed for the better. But something inside me broke that day .. It disappeared. Vanished. I am not quite sure what it was. Maybe it was my heart breaking. Or maybe it was my soul being torn apart. Whatever it was, Gennadi has replaced it. He has entered my body, my heart, and my soul. And he is here to stay. We are one. We always have been, and always will be One.
We are the creation of love.




I am a normal human being. Just with a very different life.



I can feel you. I can hear you.
We have become one.
Through life and death, we are one.
We are soul mates. We are the light at the end of the tunnel.
We are the shiver you feel running through you on a cold day.
We are the warmth the sun offers the world.
We are that slight breeze that comforts your skin.
We are the walking aid for the elderly.
We are love.
We are one.

You held me as I slept, so I wasnt afraid.
You made love to me each night to become one person.
We planned our wedding. We found the name for our child.
We met our future together.
We kept each other breathing, and standing.
We would never let the other fall.
We were in love.
We are in love.
We are one.









Turn up your speakers.




?Rated M15+. May contain course language.




Anyone can own your heart, but there is only one person who can own your soul.